2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
There are families that, in essence, have not been families for a long time, but are cohabitants who create the appearance of a family. Why do they cohabit together? It is often said that for the sake of the children. And then the question arises: is it worth it?
On the one hand, of course, I want the child to have a full-fledged family, mom and dad, and all live together amicably. But, unfortunately, this is not always the case. It happens that parents do not love each other for a long time, but they endure it. It's good if at least friendly relations have been preserved, otherwise it happens that they simply hate each other, but live under one roof, creating an image of a family for their child. By the way, about the child: while it is very small, it is clear that it will not tell you anything and will want mom and dad to be together and live together, wants to rejoice and smile to everyone the same way. But, but with older children, you can already ask: do they need such a family where everyone hates each other?
There are still options when the parents lived together for the sake of the child, the child grew up - divorced … And then they can also reproach, they say they lived only for him (or her), they never built their personal life, everyone would endure if only he (she) was good, but he (she) is ungrateful, etc. I wonder if he (she) felt it "good"? Most likely not, but now they also feel guilt and responsibility for the fact that their parents' life did not work out … but should children be responsible for this? But this is not about that now …
On the other hand, maybe if the parents stopped loving each other, not spoil the life of themselves and the child, not create an artificial appearance of the family? Perhaps, if mom and dad arrange their personal lives and are happy, then the child will also be happier. At the same time, neither mom nor dad will love him less, and he will not feel the tension and negativity that always exists in an imaginary family. After all, children feel everything, even if they try not to show them anything, the mood with which communication takes place in the family is very easily captured.
I am sure that in any case, it is better for children to live in a favorable emotional environment, and not in a house where their parents swear behind their backs and “throw lightning bolts at each other”. And it's still good if behind the child's back … sometimes children have to be involuntary witnesses of family scandals, and sometimes they are drawn into a quarrel and they become involuntary participants who are forced to take sides … But as a child who loves both mom and dad can take someone's side / position? How can his child's psyche cope with this? And tell me, is it really all for the happiness of the child? Who needs such a sacrifice?
I am by no means engaged in propaganda of divorce and I am of the opinion that you always need to look for compromises, ways out of difficult situations, without resorting to extreme measures. And there are many ways to improve family relationships and restore the home (at least discuss it or contact a psychologist / psychotherapist). But, in situations where both spouses understand for sure that this is no longer possible or there is not even a desire to do it, I think it is not worth creating the appearance of an exemplary family, but better to break up!
And for the spouses themselves and for their children, this may be the best option for the development of events. But, for sure, everyone has their own opinion on this matter …
What do you think about this?
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