2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In the codependent family field, there are many templates and prohibitions - "men are goats", "men cannot be trusted", "a man should earn more than a woman", etc.
Generic loyalty, the feeling of belonging to the genus "I am like everyone else, so I am normal" can exceed a thousandfold a simple human desire - to get in touch with reality, connect with living thoughts and ideas, see fate and a man as he is.
From childhood, mother teaches the girl how to despise a man, subtly and competently devalue him, so that he never again feels like a man. She instills in her a fear of masculine power "endure and be quiet" as if a woman does not have her own feminine power. Codependent mothers have such a unique pedagogical talent that an adult woman looks at the world of men only through her mother's eyes, through her pain and disappointment. Mom's expectations, unfulfilled hopes, loneliness and melancholy are safely woven into the fate of her daughter and her relationship with men.
Sometimes a woman feels that something is wrong, that the reality may be different, that eternal scandals and quarrels are probably not always due to the fact that he is a goat? Maybe it's time to change something in yourself - thoughts, deal with feelings or relationships with your mother?
If a woman has NOT betrayed her strength, she will find a solution. She will figure out what is happening between her and the man, she will leave her pain and her illusions to her mother, she will be able to live her life.
But if a woman sacrificed her strength for the sake of "mother's love", if she agreed that the mother's world is more priority than her own woman's world, if she took on faith that contempt and devaluation are the only things men deserve, she will live "mother's life", simply because that it is always easier to live with someone else than with your own.
Such a woman is a faithful daughter and guardian of ancestral prohibitions "all men are rags", "everything needs to be done by herself." It is hard for her to ask for help and support: “my mother could withstand somehow, so I must too!”. And a man is the only source of all adversity and failure, loneliness and disappointment.
The conflict between "mother's love" and the desire to live your life is not easy. His solution is not for every woman. Perhaps the time has not come or the resource in the family system has not accumulated. While it is easier to destroy relationships with men, choose a mother and her covenants, her view of the world.
But it also happens the other way around, a woman is looking for a solution, she already distinguishes her own from her mother's, understands that there is a world of men and a world of women and feels her belonging.
Where are you now?
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