2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Psychotherapy is not new for a long time, and in Russia, even in small towns, it has ceased to be something shameful or strange. Meeting with a psychologist is gradually becoming a common practice, as a matter of taking care of physical health. People of all ages and wealth are increasingly willing to spend their time and money on improving the quality of their lives through psychotherapy. However, therapy is not the only way you can improve your life, and it certainly isn't for everyone. In addition, there are a huge variety of techniques. Therefore, a person who first decided to turn to a psychotherapist faces an incredibly difficult task: without understanding psychology, among many methods and specialists, choose the one that suits him best.
By analogy with medicine, where the result is achieved with the help of medication, in psychotherapy, the result is achieved using the so-called "client-therapeutic relationship" and special techniques. All this together should lead the client to achieve the desired result (this is what is called a "request", which is discussed at the first meetings). It is to achieve this request that time and money are spent. But in order for this benefit to take place, as in any other profession, certain conditions must be met.
Here's a guide with a few ideas about psychotherapy to help you figure out if this is right for you or should you look elsewhere:
1. Psychotherapy is a relationship
Any method of psychotherapy is somehow based on relationships. The client's relationship with the therapist is the foundation of many techniques in both diagnosis and the work of psychotherapy itself. This relationship, as in life, includes both the client and the therapist as a whole: together with bodies, habits, voice, manner, feelings, thoughts and beliefs.
therefore choose a method in which you can be comfortable in the relationship (and not flinch every time someone touches you or speaks to you). Choose a therapist with whom you will not be disgusted to meet (so that you do not cringe at his sight or voice). Choose an office in which you will not be unpleasant to be for an hour every week. After all, therapy can require from several meetings to several years.
2. Safety first
If in a relationship you cannot relax, trust and be yourself, if in a relationship you constantly have to spend energy and attention on protection and pretense, then such a relationship will not help. On the contrary, they can easily harm the client both at the time of the meeting and in later life. That is why strict requirements are imposed on the therapist himself, the therapeutic space (office) and the actions of the therapist in any method.
therefore do not hesitate to choose a method that is comfortable and understandable for yourself and the therapist according to your own feelings, and not because it is "the best". Be sure to ask a specialist about the nuances that are important to you and ask questions about the work and features of the method. If necessary, negotiate additional rules. If you are unsafe in your relationship with a therapist, you don’t have to put up with it because all your friends have advised him. All people and all specialists are different, and it just might not be your therapist, that's all.
3. Separation of responsibilities
If a person is actually satisfied with everything in his life, if he is not ready to change something or he has few resources for this, then sitting in a psychotherapist's office will not change anything. The client's work and contribution is 50% (or even more) of the result. The client spends effort, time and money on internal work, meeting with himself and with unpleasant, difficult feelings. A therapist is an expert who supports, shares knowledge and helps to learn new necessary skills. "Psychological surgery", when the therapist "climbed in, corrected himself" - does not exist today.
therefore do not hesitate to say right away what YOU need, what exactly is your task for therapy. Even if it’s just talking out or complaining to someone (it really helps), even if it’s just a desire to get support (nothing is more natural), even if you don’t believe in psychotherapy and just want to try (which is quite normal), don’t be fooled either. yourself, not the therapist, spend only on what you need (even if you were "sent" to therapy).
4. Therapy is voluntary
Otherwise, it simply doesn't work. All for the same reason: therapy is carried out only and exclusively on the energy of the client. A person who is deceiving himself or others that he wants to change something in his life by trying to work in therapy will simply waste time and money.
therefore, if you are strongly "sent", but you do not want - do not go. After all, only you can feel that you are not good and only you can decide when exactly you are ready to do something about it. If something bothers you, but you are afraid of therapy, or you feel that you are not ready to work a lot and for a long time, or you do not have enough funds, or you are not at all sure that you need therapy, just come for a consultation and tell the therapist so … So it is possible and even necessary! The therapist will be able to help you understand the situation and then you can decide on further actions.
5. No magic - just science
To an uninitiated person from the outside, the process of psychotherapy may seem like some kind of magic: one person changes the life of another through a conversation with him. But in fact, everything is very prosaic, although in some places amazing things do happen. Psychotherapy is a legacy of over 100 years of scientific thought, practice and research. Professional psychotherapists have knowledge of the laws by which the psyche works, just as doctors have knowledge of the laws of the human body.
therefore, on the one hand, do not wait for the so-called "magic pill", that is, for the therapist to do something magical with you, so that everything will instantly work out for you - this does not happen in psychotherapy. On the other hand, do not be afraid and do not hesitate to ask and be interested in what is happening in the office and why the therapist invites you to do or say something. Any suggestion or action a professional therapist can explain in simple language. Be a full participant in psychotherapy, so the process will be much more effective.
6. Right and wrong - does not exist
Maybe I will reveal a terrible secret for someone, but in life and, of course, in psychotherapy, there is no "right" and "wrong". There are only "useful for me in this situation" and "not useful for me in this situation". In this sense, therapy is not about "correctness", but about "useful", i.e. will lead to the desired result and "not useful", i.e. will not produce the desired result. A psychotherapist is not a know-it-all who knows all the answers to your questions and not a primary school math teacher who knows how to do it right and how not to do it right. The psychotherapist is just trained in the laws by which the human psyche works and can only share this knowledge with you. But you yourself have to choose how to live.
therefore feel free to always check your "good" and your request during therapy. The most effective way is if you just be yourself. This will help you navigate the process. After all, it’s up to you to live your new life after the end of therapy.
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