2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Depression Thursday.
Empty space or it could be you.
Could depression be so hot that it warms you up? Yes. Summer, it's hot. Heat, talk about the resort outside the window, mood back and forth, in standby mode. There could be your advertisement, but here only the shadow of my body moving in the asphalt floating by, the trees pretend to be motionless, and somewhere there, the ice is melting, soundlessly, imperceptibly, and here the melancholy of perspiration betrays a lurking depression. If we take and get up from the chair right now, then we will have a steep breakthrough, if we continue to sit - unreal stagnation, fidgeting is not recommended. The conversation outside the window is becoming more and more familiar, I am already with them at the resort, we choose tickets from this haven of sadness, but no, I'm still here, and my depression too. Would send her to Chile, yes, perhaps to Chile, would be a noble pun - "depression with the taste of Chile, burns like your cold."
Affection is an interesting thing. It’s scary to get lost in it, but without it it’s unbearably lonely. Such is the dead end. Of course, undoubtedly, there is a middle, but where is it in a person? When I am in a state of affection, I just think that I am not alone, when I am not alone next to another, I do not feel so empty, but still, why deceive myself if I feel bad when the other leaves me, and this the emptiness is becoming more and more obvious to me, obvious, shaped into my outlines, so solid, and I, softened, fill its form. Everything changes places and I am with my emptiness too. And no matter how hard you try, you can't add another to this form, absolutely nothing. And it turns out that I, in the form of an hourglass, smoothly flow from one form to another, while remaining the same form rotating around its axis as it is filled - empty. Around its axis. Enough of the illusions about the members of the circle, there are none, there is you and the axis of life, and this is you too. And it is so strange that as soon as I am filled with attachment, the force of attraction of emptiness immediately throws me down, and it again sucks me into itself, freeing me for a new such old sadness of loneliness, and I again fill with it, taking it for attachment. And it lasts infinitely long.
Hot, but moderate, not that much, as it were, moderately higher than expectations, yes, hot. Depression doesn’t heat up, but it doesn’t cool it, it doesn’t warm me up, or rather it warms me up, but I don’t feel its warmth. I again missed the atomic explosion, turned around, and around only shadows were imprinted on the wall, and I was warm, and a tan appeared suddenly, but inside it was somehow sweaty, sad, strange, but all this warmth seemed to be for her alone, and not to me, as if I were like an empty place to cool her ardor. And it is hot, it burns me from the outside, freezing from the inside, and I burn, I melt, I slowly drain into my sneakers, never getting warm in this nuclear hell.
What could be worse than depression in the summer? I dont know. Anything. Yes, it definitely is, whatever. You hear me? Hey?! Anything!!! Do not try, I hear you, your scream has burned out before it burst out, its impulse went into your smooth unhurried movements, and you are still walking while sitting on a chair. I hear you, my ardent, ashy gleam of a smile. I am so attached to you that I am ready to become your empty place. I'm ready to become one, and you?
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