2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
A true relationship is always a risk. You can never be sure for sure and seriously that someone will not turn away, will not betray at the most inopportune moment. And the moment will almost always be painfully inappropriate. And the point here is not only in "fell in love with another", but simply banal in life.
Here you are, a happy little girl who has a favorite pink elephant, and just recently, without the help of adults, you proudly blew out all five candles on your birthday cake. And today mom is crying out loud, and dad is collecting things. Both of them are trying to explain to you that you will still see your dad, just now he will live in a different place and for some reason with a different aunt. And you desperately want to believe it, but daddy comes less and less and you feel wrong and abandoned.
Relationships are a leap that takes place almost at random and by touch. Based only on the vague outline of the silhouette that fits the shape we need. So he brings you home after work, orders the perfumes you mentioned in passing, and you already decide that attentiveness is his middle name. And six months later, you are lying on the couch of a psychotherapist and can not do anything but tears and silence, because after this relationship you have only scorched earth.
This is a leap of faith. The fact that the efforts that you put into this relationship will return at least partially. Of course, I've heard a lot of stories with variations on the theme "I don't need feedback from him, I just want to please him." Or else: "I just like to see her happy, I don't need anything from her." And it sounds great in theory and even looks inspiring in practice. First time. In reality, there always comes a period when your eternal fire begins to slowly fade away without recharge. And you can do everything in your power and even more. And it may never be paid for.
This is a leap of hope. That when you start giving a lot, they will start to treat you the same way. When you order from Italy for the last money her favorite prosciutto and gorgonzola, because there are simply no such tastes here. You will make coffee in the morning using a device with a cute name "Chemex", because this is what she loves. You will buy sneakers for running on the street, because this is how she loves to relax - running along a huge park with a lake. Someone will say that you are losing yourself, adjusting, trying to please. But neither they, nor even you yourself will understand that you are doing this for a completely different reason. Because you want, perhaps more than anything else, to be treated with the same attention and care. And most likely you will not get it. Because you don't know what to do with it.
Relationships are always a risk. Because there is always the possibility that the spoken word will cease to matter, that your common "important" will remain important for the two. After all, even the stars don't shine forever.
Closeness is burdensome. Because something else will be in your space. You have been building your defenses for so long and stubbornly, so carefully finding the balance between the vulnerability hidden deep inside and the superficial indifference that any unplanned flap of your soul's wings can break it. And this cherished intimacy becomes too expensive a pleasure.
Proximity is dangerous. Someone other than you will definitely do in a way that does not suit you. Will expose your darkest and most furiously hidden sides, showing you not in the best light. So the only thing you can do to save yourself is to quit first, before that closeness makes you vulnerable. To build a real relationship long in happiness, you need to bare your soul. And this is too big a risk.
Relationships are risk. But without this leap of faith, it is impossible to find out the real truth about yourself. It is impossible to see yourself from the outside. Allow yourself to be weak. Feel caring and real warmth. To know the absolute happiness of being accepted with a ton of flaws, and at the same time not being rejected. Therefore, the relationship is worth it. I know it's scary. But a real relationship is worth it. Truth)
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