They Will Make Your Life Hell (about Stalking)

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Everyone who comes into our lives has a role to play. Sometimes we ourselves choose those whom we appoint as friends, lovers, associates. Sometimes they choose us. It just happens that we attract people into our lives who are not satisfied with everything: the role assigned to them, attention, love, power is not enough. They always claim more. Because they came into our life in order to turn it into hell.

Sounds like a trailer for a thriller, doesn't it? Alas, for a huge number of men and women, this is a cruel reality. A reality called stalking is the icing on the cake of violence, manipulation and, as a rule, stifling morbid jealousy. Fortunately, people in Russia are now talking more about this problem, but legislatively, the ways of its solution have not yet been determined. Yes, to be honest, even in countries where there is such a useful thing as a restraining order, it is not so easy to get this “restraining order”.

Stalking is always deliberately malicious stalking. It can include physical harassment, abuse, compulsive attention, unwanted gifts, letters, social media posts, and gossip. This is not "just such a love", do not "never mind - it will pass by itself" and not "he will disappear without me." These are violence, crime and pathology. And in most cases, it is associated with a mental disorder.

Of course, people without any psychopathological deviations can use the strategy of persecution as a tool of intimidation, but still psychotic stalking, as a rule, is the prerogative of people with affective pathology, bipolar disorder or schizophrenia. These are delusional obsessions and aggression directed not only at people from the inner circle, but also at “accidental victims”.

Having chosen the object of so-called love, the persecutors try to achieve reciprocity in any way. Threats and persuasions, kidnapping and torture, or even group "suicide" are used. The psychotic stalker lives in an alternate reality and sincerely believes that his victim is unique and destined for him by fate. Rejection causes intense frustration and outbursts of uncontrollable rage. And no, it cannot be cured.

There is also the so-called border stalking. It is typical for those with cluster B personality disorders - narcissists, border guards, and psychopaths. They are well aware of what they are doing, and most often they direct their efforts towards former partners who dared to leave the vicious circle of relationships. Former wives and husbands are persecuted, bombarded with letters, the tone of which fluctuates between humiliation and pleas for forgiveness, threatened with suicide, or, conversely, with the murder of relatives and friends.

Border stalking is almost always involved in revenge, envy, the desire to punish, prove their exclusivity, or make the victim realize an alleged mistake. This category can easily fall into doctors, teachers, more successful colleagues or bosses who did not appreciate the talents of the stalker, and thereby emphasize his inferiority.

Of course, there are also predators among stalkers (yes, your favorite psychopaths as well). These people pursue for the sake of sports interest, as a warm-up and for the sake of momentary pleasure. They enjoy the sense of their own superiority, they enjoy the fear and confusion of the victim. The ability to control other people's lives feeds the "God complex" and often leads to orgasmic gratification (especially in the presence of perverse spectrum disorders).

Lack of empathy and any brakes in the form of morality and the ability to recognize someone else's pain lead to sad consequences for the victim. Depending on the level of organization of such a stalker, persecution can be expressed both in a banal obsession (misunderstanding of refusal, waiting after work, night calls, standing under the windows, numerous attempts to talk, touch, minor vandalism), and in planning a sophisticated crime with kidnapping, bullying, etc. murder.

Any stalking is dangerous. Do not listen to those who dismiss your fears and write off the actions of the persecutors as "uncooked feelings" or "true love." Ignorance of the internal mechanisms makes these people unwitting accomplices in the crime. Do not leave such attempts to interfere in your life without attention, suppress them harshly and immediately, do not try to "agree, explain, get through." Contact law enforcement immediately and, if you live in a country with normal legislation, get an approximation ban.

Know that stalkers will go to great lengths to get what they want. They are cunning and resourceful. Harassment is just one of the tools available to them. Stalking is used to intimidate and attract attention. Do not give your enemies either one or the other. Yes, exactly to the enemies, because whoever the stalker was for you in the past, he is definitely not your friend.

Don't be fooled by manipulation. Don't fall for threats and persuasion. A former husband who threatens to commit suicide or a wife who pulls your strings with the help of children are rapists who try to get what they want at any cost. Your task is to protect yourself and your loved ones as much as possible, without becoming the next statistical unit in the crime report.

What can be done? Not much, to be honest. The ideal option is to cut off all contact and disappear from the pursuer without explanation. And yes, I perfectly understand that very few people can afford this. The second option is to attract as many people as possible to your side. It’s hard work, but it’s possible. Law enforcement, prosecutors, private security agencies, lawyers, crisis centers, friends and neighbors, colleagues and parents, teachers and coaches - everyone in your environment should be aware of the problem. And shame is not appropriate here. The more people protect you, the more chances you have to survive.

Change phone numbers, set aside money, block general accounts and credit cards, prohibit giving your personal information to a stalker, even if you are still married. Rent another apartment (rent or sell yours, if necessary), change your hairstyle, clothes and hair color, sign up for self-defense courses, buy a weapon or at least pepper spray, install an alarm in the house with a panic button. Customize all of your gadgets so that trusted people can easily track your location. Get in the habit of reporting your movements. Never, under any circumstances, be alone with a stalker - even if you are a strong man and she is a fragile woman. Do not try to explain the actions of the persecutor in terms of the logic of a normal person. This is impossible.

Remember that this game has no rules - other than those that you set yourself. And what is a game for a stalker can cost you your life. Do not try to outsmart the stalker or lull his vigilance by pretending to agree to make up or reciprocate. Any cheap manipulation on your part will only make the game more interesting. Do not make contact, do not listen, do not answer calls and letters, and do not let anyone get close to you or your loved ones.

Yes, it looks like martial law - in fact, it is. And most importantly - which is often forgotten - collect as much information as possible about the stalker. You should know everything about this person and, if possible, always be one step ahead.

Do not forget that your pursuers are only living people. Yes, they have no remorse, but they also feel pain and, like any criminals, are afraid of publicity. I am not urging you to engage in open conflict, but you definitely need to show that you are ready for battle. Show your confidence, strength and willingness to defend your life and your interests. Each situation is individual, but there is one general rule: "the rescue of a drowning person is the work of the drowning person himself." Don't be drowned.