Neurotic Guilt? Make An Experiment

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

An employee who did his job poorly brought his boss to a heart attack …

The woman, who refused to court, brought the man to a binge …

You've probably heard such stories and can add a dozen more of your own.

But are all these people really to blame for what happened to others?

The fact is that there are two types of guilt: ordinary and neurotic.

How are they different?

Regular guilt implies that you did something that harmed another and that these events are indeed connected.

You are also ready to acknowledge your "part" in the consequences of the action and are able to recognize where your responsibility ends.

Most importantly, you can easily correct the incident if the injured party wants it.

Neurotic guilt means that you did something that did not portend such a disaster, but did entail it.

You acknowledge 100% responsibility for what happened to someone else through your fault.

And the damage caused by you is impossible or extremely difficult to objectively correct.

Let's go back to our examples.

The employee did a poor job and the boss had a heart attack.

In the case of common guilt, the employee realizes that he has done a poor job. And that's all. He is ready to remake it or incur material punishment. And that's all.

Because bad reporting and the health of the other person are not related in any way. It is obvious.

If a person is inclined to experience neurotic guilt, then he forgets that if the other person has a weak heart, then anything could cause an aggravation.

It does not occur to such an employee that it is not his responsibility, that a person with a sick heart has chosen a nervous job.

And, of course, it is impossible to redeem anything that happened.

A woman who refused a man, which was the reason for his binge.

In the case of ordinary guilt, the woman will feel regret that this happened, perhaps even sympathy.

But she realizes that it is not her fault that a man solves his problems in this way. She didn't teach him to do that.

If the guilt is neurotic, things are more complicated.

The woman thinks she should have anticipated what happened. Be more tactful and wise. That she seduced the man and reassured him, although she herself does not understand how. And she will rush to save him, as she will feel responsible for what happened to him.

Life is difficult for people who are prone to experiencing neurotic guilt. After all, they are responsible for almost the whole world and never know which of their actions can cause a catastrophe.

Try to “split” your global guilt into small pieces and blame only for them, atone for only these “sins”.

You just take the whole story with your participation and put it into episodes and apologize for each of them.

For example, to apologize only for the report and offer to redo it.

Then apologize only for making your boss nervous and suggest making you nervous too.

Apologize for choosing a stressful leadership position and offer to replace him with a temporary one - in atonement.

Then apologize for the fact that the person has a weak heart …

Do you feel how the absurdity of this whole story is growing?

If you do this exercise every time you feel that you are guilty of some terrible event, you will sooner or later begin to separate your responsibility from the responsibility of others.

It makes life much easier)