2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Pathologically codependent family
How is a pathologically codependent family created from a normal healthy family, how does this happen?
After all, we know that any addiction, both chemical and emotional, and play, and in general, any addiction is born and grows, gains strength in codependent relationships.
How can you notice THIS before the appearance of a drug addict or alcoholic in the family.
A healthy functional family differs from a pathological codependent family in many ways. I would like to draw your attention to one very striking symptom.
This is a symptom Of the MAIN in family
In a codependent family, there is a special family member who is in charge. That is, the one for whom the entire family system works, domination is acquired at the expense of reducing the interests of other family members, their needs are underestimated, and in extreme cases they are not noticed at all.
So TO THE MAIN- can be any family member, for example.
It can be almost an adult or an adult child, whose parents do not cherish souls in him and he gets everything and even more than both his parents can afford. He lives entirely or mainly at their expense.
It may already be an adult child a single mother who has abandoned her needs, but with zeal fulfills all the whims of her child, denying herself almost everything, explaining her service to the child in different ways, for example:
"so that he does not need anything, but I will tolerate" or
"because I didn’t have it, let my daughter (son) live better, but I’ll get along."
A codependent family may have a main dad. - then the whole family lives according to the laws of the Pope, according to his coming home, according to his wishes and desires.
If dad returned home irritated, the children scatter around the rooms so as not to run into it.
The family lives according to my father's disposition. Dad rules everything.
He is in charge, and everyone obeys to his schedule, and dad …
he can afford to be eternally dissatisfied and find fault with trifles or not notice anyone in the family at all, arguing that “I earn money” and frees himself from any other family responsibilities, practically not participating in raising children and caring for them. He's cool, everyone else in the family serves him.
The situation may be with the female leader of the family
Husband and children are at hand.
The wife rules, controls, blames, is always busy and unwilling.
She "adopted" her husband.
Of course he is not what she wanted, a soft, too kind mattress. The wife earns, she is in charge, and the rest of the family is with her. First, they satisfy the needs of the main one, then, according to the drainage principle, the need for others in the family.
The symptom of INEQUALITY in the family, the symptom of the MAIN in the family, is a very true sign for an unhealthy codependent family
But, I draw your attention and ask you not to be confused with fickle situations: any family member can get sick or temporarily stay in some situation when the family pays increased attention and care to him.
But if the priority and domination of one person grows in the family and he pulls on himself most of the family forces, family money, and so on, this leads to pathological codependency, where one of the main characteristics is inequality in everything.
Inequality within the boundaries of the family and outside it, violation of rights within the family, violation of responsibility, confusion and ambiguity in the rights and responsibilities within the family, possibly even violence and the emergence of dependence.
I draw your attention to this sign so that you have the opportunity to notice an unhealthy pathological codependency in time
After all, it is in the pathologically codependent family that the dependent family member arises
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