2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Studying the crisis for 30 years, I looked for examples of its course in men and women. As they say, mind your own business, and chances will take care of themselves … The film "The Road of Change" came in very handy, where I found a great dialogue with DiCaprio's participation, describing the experiences of 30-year-olds as well as possible …
The crisis of 30 years is primarily a crisis of achievement or ambition. 30 years is a transition from youth to early maturity, this is a certain age line when any person instinctively compares what he has achieved with what he wanted, as well as with the results of his peers. In the film, the hero compares himself to his father.
As my colleague, psychologist Anna Eliseeva says, the crisis begins when "a person runs out of rails laid by his parents" … In this case, we see a man who never wanted to be like his father, secretly despised him, for natural reasons wanted surpass the achievements of the latter … However, the classic of the genre - the guy just repeated the fate of his father … And here he sits, 30-year-old and disappointed, in a bar, with someone else's girlfriend, and reflects on life, looking for himself and new meanings …
The whole life can pass in such reflections, and the crisis of 30 years will smoothly flow into the crisis of middle age … However, everything can be changed! The reassessment of values, of course, is a very painful process, but that is why it is a crisis, in order to destroy the old and make us stronger. As a result, you can get a lot, namely, to get rid of all that is superfluous and find yourself. I invite you to go with me on an exciting journey and take important steps to effectively break the deadlock together! Ready? Let's go then!
So, a general plan that will allow you to find your resources and get started
- Try to take a sober look at your life and listen to your emotions. Draw a circle, divide it into sectors, let everyone be responsible for what is very important in your life: friends, finances, relationships with a loved one, family, children, creativity, health and appearance, travel. Sectors should be from 6 to 8, name them yourself, depending on the relevance of the proposed areas of life.
- Did you manage? Now take a look at the drawn balance wheel and listen to yourself: how much are you satisfied with the state of affairs that exists?.. Respond to bodily sensations and feelings …
Look into the depths of yourself … Which sectors suit you, give rise to a feeling of warmth and fulfillment, and which, on the contrary, respond with anxiety and longing in your heart?
- Let go of yourself and allow yourself to dream … What do you want? With your hand on your heart, discarding all limitations and complexes, answer yourself as sincerely as possible to this question … What should your house be like? What kind of relationship with your loved one are you looking forward to? Maybe you lack friendly warmth and care? Or maybe you dream of finding a job to your liking?.. Imagine a picture of your own prosperous life, when everything is in abundance … For clarity, you can draw this ideal for yourself on a piece of Whatman paper or make a collage of magazines …
- Realize your strengths.
What do you already have, and what do you really need? Don't panic.
Don't be alarmed if the gap turns out to be too great. Don't be afraid of your fear. Fear, as you know, is the flip side of any desire, and therefore the feeling is very natural. It just needs to be accepted, lived.
After spending a little time in your feelings, start moving to the strategic stage. It's time to use common sense and life experience. Assess your treasures: the strengths and resources you have. Perhaps you already have almost all the ingredients to achieve what you want? Or maybe more serious changes will be required, and resources will need to be looked for … For example, you admit to yourself that you want to change your profession, job, life partner, country of residence … This is normal. That is why the crisis is given to us, so that we strive for change
"Our psyche often uses depression to draw attention and point out that somewhere deep within us lies a lie," says renowned Jungian analyst, James Hollis.
Therefore, you caught yourself in time.
- Take action! But only slowly and in small steps. This style is called "kaizen" and allows us to achieve impressive results without intimidating our amygdala, the reptilian brain that is responsible for instincts. At this stage, it is important to rely on something. And above all, it must be a plan. Write down the sequence of actions to be taken for each of the points, and keep them simple and obvious. Your motto can be Irina Mlodik's phrase: “Start, even if you don’t know how!”.
- Maintain a vision of your future.
In the process of changes, constantly remember where and why you are going.
It is very important to keep in mind a clear, colorful image of the intended goal. It's not easy, but interesting, and trains long-term willpower.
A collage or drawings made in the previous step will help here.
In general, we can conclude that the crisis of 30 years is an important test of loyalty to oneself.
And this is the very time when fate gives us a chance to organize a decent life for ourselves, doing what we like!
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