2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The playground was located in the center of the city park, where Lyudmila Vasilievna came with her five-year-old grandson Vanya, who was the youngest of all. The site was located near the house where Vanya lived with his parents.
While he was walking with other children on the playground, Lyudmila Vasilievna sat on a bench and watched him, periodically plunging into her thoughts about life. She turned seventy years old and, willy-nilly, she thought about it.
Most of the time, she thought about the life cycle, which begins with birth and ends with death. What happened during this period of time? She grew up, she was taken to kindergarten, then there was school, institute, first love, youth. Further - marriage, work, travel, children and now grandchildren. And then her children will have their grandchildren and so on. Will her family ever end? She did not know…
But now Lyudmila Vasilievna, watching her grandchildren - how playful and cheerful they are, sometimes sad, how they communicate with each other, share toys, or vice versa - was moved and sad. She understood that her life was going to decline. The forces that were before are no longer there - everything spoke of the completion of its life cycle.
Thinking about it, she seemed to lose a part of herself. Something went into the past irrevocably. Only now she began to understand that much was already behind her, but it seemed to her that it was not long ago - the birth of her first child - but time had passed …
And now every second that has already passed and the next that cannot be stopped is important to her. Then minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day … Life after life. She will die, freeing up her place for someone, and so on the step up in the family there will be movement. Everyone will go through their own life cycle.
Of course, many strive to make the younger generation look like them or other ancestors of their kind. They try to realize through children what they themselves did not want (someone says that they could not). They offer them to be like their legendary grandfather or kind grandmother. Or vice versa - like a grumpy grandfather, a grumpy grandmother. Sometimes she heard: "You are like your father!", "You are all in a mother!". She was surprised that parents do not see in their children the individuality and uniqueness that is inherent in them.
What is she? Life was wonderful for her. Even if there was an opportunity to ask for another, she would refuse. She was so full for her that there was no need for her to ask for a second life. Even if she failed to achieve something high and significant, it means that it was not important to her. And if others wanted it, then she didn't care about it, she did it for herself. Lyudmila Vasilievna wanted subsequent generations of her family to live the way they wanted. It is possible that sometimes people live for others and for this they get something - recognition, participation, increase self-esteem, avoid loneliness, and much more.
Sometimes she wanted to get immortality, but these were short moments - when her grandson ran up to her and happily told what was happening on the site, what he was doing there, how he lived. She wished to prolong such minutes. But then the question arose: would they be equally valuable? “If I am immortal, then I am dead! How could I appreciate life, if I have it… I can't even understand how much. I would not care what is happening because I always have time to see it, take part, notice, experience … Boring,”- this is how Lyudmila Vasilievna thought about it.
“What can motivate more than death itself? A life? - further thought Lyudmila Vasilievna. “Many treat her as if they are immortal, putting off everything they can do now. Do it for yourself. Yes, it is also important to define what I am doing for myself. Everyone knows for sure what exactly he wants. But does he even admit this to himself? Sometimes I didn't admit it to myself. Some people think about death in connection with the loss of a loved one and only then begin to pay attention to how they live. When did I notice this? Well, yes … after the death of his mother, and then his father."
Lyudmila Vasilievna looked at the playground where her grandson was playing, settled down more comfortably on the bench and looked into the sky. She saw birds, which, flying, were telling something to each other in their own language. She felt a breath of wind, heard the sound of foliage, how young people talk on a nearby bench … "It gets dark, it gets dark very quickly …" - and the voice of her grandson disappears in silence …
Lyudmila Vasilievna was sitting, her gaze was directed to the sky. Grandson Vanya ran to her and joyfully called his grandmother. He did not understand why she was not paying attention to him. Stopping, he looked where her gaze was directed. Birds continued to fly in the sky …
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