The Practice Of Containing Negative Emotions. "Taming The Inner Dragon"

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Let's start with the definition of the concept. I will not quote the classics, I will say in my own words: "containment" is the ability to 1. place in your psychic field, 2. to process and 3. to assimilate the experience of difficult, negative emotions.

Is this taught in some special human school? Do we know how to do it environmentally, constructively and correctly? The answer is unequivocal: they do not teach and do not know how (at least for a long time and to a sufficient extent). Let's try to master the basic foundations of this particular topic in order to start applying it in our practical life - to the delight of ourselves and those close to us? I think there will be no objection: it is useful and effective. Fine, let's go then …

As an example, I will give the readers a certain conditional situation.

“You came back tired from work. You should have a rest, regain your strength, have a quiet supper. But no, it wasn’t there. The pregnant wife is not feeling well and is grumbling. A fifth-grader son is waiting for you with a math problem book. And the three-year-old daughter is capricious and requires special attention, because she missed her. What at this moment (if you are not a guru or a priest) happens to you internally? First, some panic, then understandable irritation (you cannot cope with situations, you do not have sufficient strength for this), and then someone from your family (most likely the eldest son) will certainly get it from you. So you will unconsciously remove from yourself the annoyance that rushes outward due to difficult evening circumstances. But after the father's shouts, the child will have a feeling of explainable annoyance, you will have guilt before your son, and a raid of mutual grievances and cross-claims will get stuck in the general family aura."

And, really, is it possible to drain your irritation on a child? Is this fair in situations where a parent, an adult, cannot cope? And is it possible to exclude such results in a situation of extreme internal tension?

Let's theoretically "contain" the described emotion in an optimal way? As a teaching material. For clarity. Let's try?! … Great! Go…

1. The first thing that should be done in the given example is to identify and name the experienced inner emotion in the accessible self-message: “I am irritated. I am angry. I can't cope."

2. Second … Since in the given circumstances the indicated emotion cannot be ecologically expressed, let us try to temporarily move it into some imaginary container. Imagine a conditional magic bottle for temporary storage of emotions, like spice jars or a fantastic Jin vessel, and place our boiling, strong irritation there, carefully sealing the bottle or vessel with a special and tight lid.

3. We leave the internal field to the external one, rationally organize the general situation: we hug the wife, kiss the baby, slap the waiting little son on the shoulder and calmly explain to the family that you need half an hour of quiet time to recuperate; now you will have dinner, take a shower and take a separate time for each one.

4. A little later, when left alone with oneself, it will be necessary to return to the “sealed vessel or bottle for emotions” and try to work out the irritation accumulated there. How? At the level of comprehension: what (directly or indirectly) caused this barely restrained emotion, what is the reason for this, and how can such “pitfalls” be avoided in the future? By rationalizing what has happened, you will find the optimal algorithm for solving your situations and assign it to the future. The former emotion will be purified, meaningful, healed, and transformed into a valuable experience of the next.

5. And the last thing. In order not to get into similar situations in the future, it is worthwhile to draw up and implement in your life a plan thought out in advance to improve the situation. That is, he will agree with his wife, and then with his fifth-grader son, about some important rules and boundaries of a respectful joint dormitory: for the first half hour or an hour after a hard working day, you calmly have dinner, take a shower, relax, and only after that, having regained your strength, with pleasure and willingly connect to family matters and individual, personal questions of your household.

It's simple, isn't it? But note: in such a format of interactions there are no scandals, no rivalries, no accumulated complaints, grievances. What's available? Mutual respect, consideration of personal boundaries, development of family rules, consistency, harmony, community.

This is one possible adult containment of complex emotions. The general algorithm of action here is as follows: to designate a lived emotion - to find an environmentally friendly way to contain it - a little later it is imperative to comprehend, work out what happened - and assimilate the result in a healed, useful form, making it a valuable experience for the future.

This topic can be continued if necessary. I'm waiting for your responses. Yours faithfully to readers, Blishchenko Alena Viktorovna.