Personality Boundaries

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

"Borders" Personalities: 4 lines of defense

Imagine that you are on the 100th floor of a skyscraper. Suddenly the walls disappear. The back of the head rests against the clouds, the wind rubs the hair. Without borders in the form of walls, it's scary - you can fly onto a busy freeway.

So, the first kind of "borders" -

1. TERRITORIAL BORDERS.

2. TIME BOUNDARIES.

If the psychotherapy session lasts 1 hour, it is important to end the meeting in an hour. This gives the client consistency, predictability, and therefore safety.

It seems that if the meeting takes longer, the client will win. However, the rest time of the therapist is reduced. The Psychologist turns into the Victim, and the client turns into the Aggressor.

Customers of the service industry are late, as if time is immeasurable. The boundaries of the next clients are violated - a chain reaction is triggered.

3. AGREEMENT between people.

For example, we agreed that the course will end in September. If so, there will be certainty and trust.

If the course ends in December - my interests are violated - I cannot go on a trip.

If the client has not canceled the meeting 24 hours before, the session is considered completed and is subject to full payment. This is an important condition of the oral contract for the provision of psychological services. The point is tough, but restores the client's sensitivity in the border violation zone.

4. Psychological boundaries of a person's PERSONALITY - the separation of one's own “I” from others and its limits.

The physical boundaries are the body, and the psychological ones are the space, sensations and interests.

We feel the boundaries when they approach the body and enter the zone of Personal Space. We feel anger and fear, as this is unsafe.

A person violates boundaries if imposed with inappropriate requests.

A person violates his boundaries if he grants a request, the fulfillment of which is worth the effort and emotional stress.

Facing border violations?

The client violated the "boundaries" of the meeting with the psychologist

A new client signed up for an appointment. I called a day before and asked if the record was still valid. “Of course, I really need it,” the client replied.

There were no vacant places, therefore, the client signed up early in the morning. This changed the day, since God did not cancel the gathering and beauty guiding for psychotherapists. It's a pity. So I didn't want to get out of a warm bed so early. I wanted to get enough sleep, get myself together and come to the usual time.

I got to work, sat down in an easy chair. I am looking forward to a new meeting. I smile. At the fifth minute I stop smiling. At the tenth minute - I am sad.

I called the client - the answering machine answered dryly: the person was out of reach. I feel bewildered: why do people so often devalue another person's time, energy, money? They act selfishly - as a consumer - do not give a damn.

But I also got money. The lease of the premises will be canceled if warned 24 hours in advance. Otherwise, pay.

Now I protect my own financial interests and make appointments only on a prepaid basis.

Are you familiar with this situation? What feelings do you face when you are treated so disrespectfully?

9 ways to recover after breaking the "boundaries" of personality:

1. SHARE.

Somewhere, the main thing is to drain the tension. At home, the younger and the dependent are puffed up. Where will they go? Yes - only the relationship collapses.

2. BREAK or DEFEAT.

Throw anger at a person who looked wrong or an object that is not there. The energy of aggression in a fight is discharged and the soul brightens. True, you can find adventures on the fifth point.

3. HUNT.

Eat your favorite yum-yum and it lightens instantly. After all, the body receives pleasant emotions. True, the figure is bursting at the seams.

Food helps to defuse aggressive impulses. For example, I bite my teeth into bacon, bite off and chew on a hard piece with sharp jaw movements. With these movements, I would gladly pounce on the offender. But I don’t realize this, but I’m just eating it today.

4. TURN TO TELIK or Gadget.

And if it is important to prepare a report for tomorrow.

5. SEX.

A universal way to relieve any tension. If you start having sex to relieve daily stress and stress, you will need to engage in it hourly. The prospect is interesting. But as they say - not for everybody.

6. SHOPPING.

A wonderful way to pamper yourself, beloved. Only wardrobe and family budget are bursting.

7. Discuss with a FRIEND.

This is a popular way. However, the matter does not go beyond the discussion of the goats and nothing changes.

8. FOOT.

Drank - forgotten - and … ahead of alcoholism and personality destruction.

9. If your interests are not respected, time is not valued, you are treated without due respect - DEFEND! Tell the abuser about your feelings and that they do not intend to tolerate it.

If, after the warnings, the "boundaries" continue to break through - increase the distance!

So which way do you choose?