Orgasm According To The Method Of Ilona Davydova

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

He made an appointment by phone, came, shifted in his chair and angrily declared: "I don't believe in psychotherapy!"

I vividly imagined how earnestly I bowed to Saints Jung, Kernberg and Winnicott, and said:

“I don’t believe it either.”

The look from an angry one turned to an accusatory one: "So you are a charlatan?"

“Looks like that. I just wanted to clarify, what kind of psychotherapy do you not believe in?"

«?»

"Well, what is your psychotherapy about?"

"This is not my psychotherapy at all."

"Okay, not yours," I agreed docilely, but can you tell me something?"

“I am telling you how in childhood I was teased with a sausage, how my father left without even leaving my mother and me an address, and how my first wife yawned in bed. You nod, sympathetically insert your “aha,” and then slap my face into the mud. An insight happens to me, I understand that I am an asshole and leave enlightened. I don't believe in this nonsense."

Elki, I also do not believe in such "psychotherapy". The more I work, the less I rely on the power of miracles, insights and enlightenments. Instant. Such that "like lightning and like a Finnish knife." So that once and the whole life has changed and flowed "shimmering like a gypsy Hungarian". They happen, of course, and it is about them that they write in books, they are shown in films about psychotherapists, my colleagues love to talk about them. Yes, I myself love, what is really there. Because it's beautiful)) But the work consists of a small percentage of them.

A therapy that is built on the basis of instant insight is some kind of erotic fantasy. Dangerous for both sides. For a client who trustingly “surrenders” and expects that now there will be a fireworks of long-awaited changes and for a therapist who is looking for a more effective move, so that it “explodes and sparkles”. In this case, both lose contact. The client is with him, because he is waiting for something to be done to him, and the therapist is with the client and with himself at the same time, because he is focused exclusively on the effect.

This article owes its title to one of my friends. In ancient times (in the era of Ilona Davydova, by the way, where is she now?), During the period of searches and dates, we generously shared our experience and amazing discoveries with each other. I remember that we were amazed at how many completely adult men in the world who sincerely expect an orgasm from an almost unfamiliar woman after three minutes of memorized manipulations and sacred movements. At the same time, there are almost no attempts to learn and understand. No, not the depths of a woman's soul, but simply what the body is telling you now. Yours and hers. And an almost complete lack of interest in mutual communication and the process of getting pleasure. "Finished, not finished - three minutes!" Brrr.

Therapy, sex, life in general - this is always communication and contact. His touch is your response, her word is your response. Lies that the result is not important. Important and how! But is it possible to achieve an orgasm if you wait for it intensely and with concentration? Question. Any therapy, even short-term, even therapy of one meeting, in general, is about boring and slow. About the process and tools, about how to find the key to our own feelings, learn to listen to them, find contact with them and separate them from the “voices” crammed into our heads for 30-40-50 years. Learn to cope with all this, feel what is happening to you in contact with other people's feelings and thoughts.

I am often asked, what are you doing there in psychotherapy (in a group, at webinars, online courses)? For many years I became a dead end, because the explanations are either linearly dull - we sit and talk, or vaguely esoteric - we find contact with ourselves, we look where it’s scary to look alone, we learn not to be afraid of a choice … I can speak for a long time, beautifully and more waving your hands at the same time. And more recently it was formulated. Maybe. I teach "to be" those who are used to doing all the time and teach "to do" those who are mainly used to being. “Being” has to be taught much more often than “action”.

We were not taught to "be" at all … 37-year-old girls come to me who do not know how to love and surrender. They can write the word "receive" in five languages, but they cannot feel it. 50-year-old boys who have made a fantastic career and at the same time do not know how to hug so that with all body and soul. I really love and respect those who are looking for themselves, who suddenly realizes that something is wrong and comes, full of determination to change it and grow in themselves something that for some reason has not sprouted. Find a taste of what was in childhood or once. Long ago or recently. And now … "They do not feed and do not bury." The crisis of being.

“To be” is, first of all, about slowness, even if you have half an hour for everything. This is about the taste of every sip, about the color of every blade of grass, about the living of every minute. This is about pleasure and pain, about unity and loneliness, about self-awareness through emotions and the feeling of a cold wind on your cheek. About something that permeates all life and makes you truly alive. And loved, and loving, and sexy. When you love someone, everything is sex with him. It's about "to be."

Not every one of you will immediately decide on a course of psychotherapy. Often it seems too much. Too long, long, deep, obliging, but expensive, at last. Not all of you need this today.

To sort out some questions, you can come to one of my online courses. There is everything to try what it is like to work with me, with the approaches, stories and worlds that I invite you to.

The nearest Bad Girls School course starts on September 19th. This course is for you if you:

a) a good girl between the ages of 18 and 90, b) you know how to help others, but you don’t get your hands on taking care of yourself and

c) today is the right moment to say yes to change.

IMPORTANT! In any of my online courses, you are guaranteed to receive a large set of understandable tools in order to:

• Honestly ask yourself the right questions and answer them.
• Learn to feel your body and your emotions, understand them and negotiate with them. (We, Smart Guys and Smart Guys, usually do not know how to do this).
• Provide yourself with support for your body and senses by understanding the simple physiological mechanism that has always existed inside, you just forgot that it can be used even without complex instructions.
• Stop endlessly nagging and pushing yourself, determining where your place of Peace is and how is it that by allowing yourself to rest, you begin to do much more.
• Notice the worlds outside and within you and let these worlds surprise you again.
• Find and resolve your own values and understand that any of your goals and meanings grow from there.

And these very specific techniques will be useful in finding an "inner grandmother", softening an internal dialogue, remembering that we once knew how to rejoice, make friends "with the one who sits in a pond," sometimes retake our self-esteem and for many other things.

These tools are "stitched" in the work with all my private clients, participants of trainings, online courses and seminars. If you've been reading me for a long time, you probably already noticed this. And each of the specific courses, such as Bad Girls School, provides a theme for all of this music.

And miracles, what are miracles? Happen. So are orgasms. But this is so, a side effect. Nice, of course, I won't argue.

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The school opens on September 19th.

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