2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The masks of superiority and self-sufficiency often hide wounded childhood feelings. Once upon a time, a child in need of warm contact and care did not receive it. His need was not understood, not accepted, not sufficiently satisfied.
Feeling rejected, children begin to look for the reasons for such injustice. For example, "I wasn't good enough to get love." It is very painful and from that moment the child tries to surpass himself: perfect study, athletic achievements, obedience, refusal to show feelings discussed by the parents … However, often even these "jumps above their heads" are not met warmly enough by the parents. There is no sense of proportionality. After all, the kid really did his best, and love did not become much more.
Two scenarios can be formed here: a fighter and a surrendered one.
The one who gives up decides never to set high goals for himself again because it makes no sense, the game is not worth the candle. He becomes passive, indifferent, as if at that very moment the main battle of his life was lost. He feels like a loser in life and even if luck falls on his head, he will not believe in it, because luck does not happen to people like him. Such a position in society is, of course, condemned, people with a surrendered person are rarely kept in a relationship - his inertia and depression are annoying, even the most ardent "rescuers" fizzle out and leave.
The fighter decides to fight to the end. He goes to successful success, achieves heights through inhuman efforts, violence against himself and his subordinates …. He carefully builds his invulnerability, it seems that nothing will hurt him, this is a victorious man. He does not give the right to make a mistake to anyone, first of all to himself. Whatever success others have achieved, he will always have a head start and he will look a little dismissively and ironically at these attempts. This position seems to be readily accepted in the modern world.
However, it is very difficult for a fighter to get close to people. His armor has 7-level protection, it has become a second skin and it seems impossible, even life-threatening, to let someone close to him, alive and vulnerable. Moreover, it is difficult for other people to maintain the pace and dedication of a fighter in the place where he decided to become successful.
In a relationship, he usually has a hard time accepting. He is used to achieving everything on his own, and accepting a gift / help and all the more showing his need for it means showing his vulnerability. The defensive strategy can collapse, so the fighter takes everything as restrained as possible and most often they stop giving him over time.
But the truth is that the most inveterate warrior-achiever, deep inside, still has a child in need of warmth and care. The child that the fighter had vowed to protect at all costs. The child who cannot grow up in such harsh conditions….
How long does it take to loosen your grip and restore confidence in the world?
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