Love And Gestalt

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I remember that once I could not understand how you can love yourself. I thought that loving yourself meant feeling perfect. And how can you feel perfect when my figure is definitely not perfect, and now, maybe, if you lose at least three more kilograms, you can fall in love with yourself a little, but I still don't reach the ideal. And in general, you need to change yourself and very radically. Getting up early in the morning, taking a cold shower, running, dancing, yoga, and developing some super qualities. Healthy food! Then it will be possible to love yourself.

True, nothing came of it. Getting up early and taking a cold shower lasted two days, proper nutrition for three, and usually did not even reach the point of running. Then I scolded myself for lack of willpower and tried again. I stoically dragged myself to dance and yoga, participated in all sorts of strange trainings, sometimes, of course, sabotaged, but then again returned to self-improvement. Although, to be honest, sometimes I liked dancing and yoga. Constant dissatisfaction with myself and my life was the background of my existence. And those were the years! Years that could be spent enjoying life, youth and beauty …

When did everything change? It didn't happen overnight. I'll say a banality now, but - tadam! - there is a way out and this is psychotherapy. I came to psychotherapy a little from the wrong end. I was always interested in psychology, I read a lot of books and articles, but I considered myself an introvert and thought that I could not work with people, and this stopped me from making it my profession. But somehow I thought: "Why not?" After all, everything can be learned. I began to look at what schools of psychotherapy there are in Kiev. I read about different methods and institutions, did not really understand anything and somehow not very deliberately, rather on a whim, I chose Gestalt therapy. I also entered the University to get a classical psychological education.

The first stage of gestalt therapy is educational and therapeutic. This means that future therapists themselves are initially in the role of clients, they learn to recognize their real selves, to comprehend their inner essence. I started attending classes, and at first I really didn't like everything. Now I will explain why, but first I must say that most of the students in Gestalt programs are people who have already been in the role of clients, have experienced the methods of Gestalt therapy, saw changes in their lives and, inspired by this, decided to try to become therapists too. … That is, most of my classmates were already trained. Gestalt groups always begin with a so-called circle, when participants in a circle share what is happening with them, or rather, what is happening to them. And this is more likely not about external events, but about internal ones. About what is happening in the soul, your feelings and experiences.

So all this was wild to me at first. Where did I go and what is going on here? You know, all this: my mother did not like me, and Vasya in the fifth grade said that I was ugly. And all in tears and snot. I, of course, exaggerate slightly, but not much. And the therapist, the leader of the group, does not at all say: "Well, get yourself together, rag. Did you come here to smear snot or to work on yourself?", But indulges this disgrace. I even wanted to quit, regretted not choosing psychoanalysis. But I decided not to make hasty conclusions and see what happens next …

And then amazing things began to happen. Gradually, I began to recognize my real self, not those far-fetched ideas about myself, but the one I did not know. How can you fall in love with someone you don't know at all? And with this recognition, love began to come. Recognition happened gradually, and self-love also came gradually. And at some point, I noticed that I was no longer trying to become someone else simply because I love myself and did not want to part with myself. And then changes began to take place. The constant dissatisfaction has disappeared. I realized that there are things that bring me joy and pleasure, and they are what I need, because they make me happy, and this is not a cold shower in the morning. I realized that it is acceptance that leads a person to change, and not instruction and teaching. I began to feel my real desires and needs. And often they turned out to be a surprise to me and ran counter to my own ideas.

So now I seem to have finally begun to understand what it means to love yourself.

This is when I choose comfortable clothes because I want to feel comfortable and not to impress someone. When I eat a delicious dinner, because pleasing myself is more important to me than conforming to other people's ideals. When I give up a job that gives me nothing but money. I do not communicate with people with whom I do not want to communicate. When I do yoga in the morning because I like it and don't need it, or I don't do it if I don't want to. I live my life focusing on myself and my feelings, and not someone's ideas about how to do it right.

To love yourself is first of all to get to know yourself, to hear yourself, and then everything happens by itself. Changes happen on their own as awareness grows. It is not easy, and this path to yourself is not quick, but it has been proven: it is possible.