2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Shame is the only feeling that the environment fosters. It is taught and with its help it can be quite convenient to regulate a person.
A complex experience that extends to the whole person completely and which cannot simply be gotten rid of by doing something.
In this sense, guilt is more forgiving, since the link "did something wrong - I feel guilty (or blame) - admitted a mistake, apologized or changed the consequences - got out of guilt". Shame is experienced as a total feeling that I am not so completely, that some of my given are not the same as everyone else's, and I am somehow very bad because of this.
And since no one was able to stop being themselves at the snap of a finger, the story with a sense of one's own shame is often quite lengthy. Paradoxically, even continuing to rule yourself and improve from all sides the experience of an oppressive swamp inside, which must be constantly hidden, does not weaken too much.
Getting rid of such a feeling of shame for oneself through the path of constant self-improvement and self-change, a person falls into one of the greatest deceptions. Because the more he tries to rule himself, the more metaphorically clear he recognizes that such as he is, he does not carry special value for himself.
Very often, shame hides other emotions and feelings that are not expressed. Often this is a learned strategy, when in the past tense, often in childhood, the child experienced some kind of emotion in response to the situation, but which was unsafe or, in someone's opinion, indecent to show. And this emotion was slowed down by shame. In the reality of this person's present day, it now happens in this way: a situation arises in which he can react with a similar emotion, as in childhood, but in order not to express it or even feel a paralyzing shame enters the arena. That is, if before the child was so regulated by an adult, now the grown child himself plays the role of this regulating adult within himself.
Shame can often block a person's activity and spontaneity, because it was important for the child's parents, for example, to look good in the eyes of others. And they taught their child to this.
Behind the shame can be the fear of losing their belonging to a group, seem like a "black sheep" and be expelled. Then a person blocks his manifestations for the sake of not being different (separated) from others. From this position, some people learn to read what the other wants to see them and begin to correspond to this idea.
How to overcome shame
To gather willpower into a fist and stop being ashamed means only adding additional tension to yourself.
Since shame arises only when there is someone else, then it is necessary to work with him with someone, for example, with a psychotherapist.
It plays an important and useful role in our life when its quantity is in moderation for an individual. Therefore, the main task of shame therapy is to reduce it to the amount when it stops blocking the person, his activity and the feelings behind the shame.
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