2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
When I see an unfamiliar man (or men) on the street, passing by, when I am driving next to me in public transport, when I communicate about any business, how do I feel?
I can definitely feel my increased tension.
From somewhere I already internally know that with men I should be less trusting, less sensitive and uncertain - less vulnerable.
Better to expose a kind of "manly facade".
It's calmer this way.
It turns out that there is a great anxiety in me that I can be "caught", caught in the fact that I really am that way - trusting, sensitive, uncertain.
After all, I remember, this has already happened many times in my life: as soon as I showed myself at least a little bit in a man's company, I instantly "raked" ridicule, mockery, humiliation. This has been the case since childhood.
Yes, and I myself mocked, teased, mocked the "weaklings".
Just not to notice that I myself am.
How awful it is not to be yourself in order to be a man.
How sad it is to be a man, forbidding yourself to be yourself.
When I think that the strangers who pass me by in my life may feel the same way, I want to say: “I am as walled up in myself as you are. You are my brothers. I am sad and afraid., I am afraid and yearning as much as you."
And you know, when I think so, looking at men unfamiliar to me, it becomes easier for me.
I myself relax and give them the opportunity to relax next to me.
Fear and melancholy are replaced by empathy.
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