2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
It is difficult to meet a mother who would be indifferent to children's whims. This behavior of a child is sometimes maddening, angry and confusing. Mom can be very tired, and sometimes she just does not know why the child is harmful. Let's discuss the nature of children's whims and figure out how to respond to them
A child comes into our world completely dependent, unable to take care of himself. All that is available to him is to cry and scream. And this is not a whim. In the first year of life, the baby only requires what is vital for his health and development. During this period, parents should not ignore the needs of the baby, leaving him crying lonely. This practice can really make the child quiet. Not receiving a response, the baby will sooner or later stop asking, but at the same time, distrust of the world will begin to form in his psyche.
As soon as the child has learned to walk, a new stage begins in his life. He learns the capabilities of his body, the boundaries of influence on parents and the world. The first failures of independent life lead the kid to despair. They cause discontent and whims.
To make it easier for parents to understand the baby, they should take a closer look at the capriciousness of the physiological or age form in front of them. What's the difference? Physiological moods are caused by the child's physical and emotional fatigue: malaise, hunger, lack of sleep, overwork or overexcitation. And also the stress associated with moving, a new team or family problems.
The psyche of children is in the process of formation. From birth, the processes of excitation of the nervous system are many times greater than the processes of inhibition, so a child cannot be emotionally stable like an adult. Children find it difficult to calm down if they are overexcited even from good events. Only by the age of three is a child able to name his emotions, but he is not yet able to restrain them.
It is completely pointless to demand from the child: “Stop it! Calm down! Cool down! Parents should create conditions for calming the baby.
My children love to be touched, I sit them on my knees, stroke their backs, hug them. If the child is musical - sing, put on your favorite record, if he loves water - buy in a warm bath with dim lights. But most of all, children are pacified by the inner peace of their parents.
Age caprices begin from the first year of life and, as a rule, end with a crisis of three years. During this period, an awareness of his “I”, of his capabilities and limitations is formed - the child learns what he is capable of, what he is not capable of, what he can get from his parents, and what he will not achieve by any behavior. On the one hand, it is worth giving more choice to the child, on the other hand, it should be introduced to the rules of behavior.
In addition to potty training, which is a physiological deterrent skill, the child learns and tolerates spiritually. If it is vital for an infant to receive satisfaction quickly, then during this period it is possible to develop in the child the ability to wait, while explaining the constraining circumstances.
Age caprice is different in that the baby requires not vital things - sweets, toys and sets his own rules. The smallest children, one year old, are easier to be distracted by something else than to have long conversations. They themselves do not really understand what they want and often get lost, getting a large choice. Sometimes a whim can be subdued by offering such a baby two options to choose from: “Will you drink from a red or green cup?”. The child thinks and forgets about the whim.
Kids two or three years old are much more clearly aware of their desires, want something specific and do not give up so easily. They are often asked to change dishes or clothes for them. If you have the opportunity, go to meet the child, show that you respect his choice. Teach not to demand, but to ask politely. But if you cannot satisfy his request, or it contradicts the rules, offer the baby an alternative and try to negotiate another option. For example, offer fruit instead of sweets. Sometimes the child continues to pursue his goal, regardless of your opinion. There is no need to blame him for this, it is really difficult for a kid of this age to curb the impulses of his desires - his psyche is just learning to deal with refusal, gradually slowing down arousal. That is why the child falls into hysterics: yells, beats and in despair throws himself on the floor, not at all in order to anger you. This behavior can create a storm of oncoming emotions in you, but you should not give in to them. Breathe deeply, stay close, not indulging or rejecting your child. Continue to calmly go about your business. There is no point in shouting and lecturing - the baby will turn on even stronger, competing with you. You should not go to another room, put the child in a corner, threaten that you will kick out or leave yourself - this intimidates and traumatizes him. Also, you do not need to save the baby, immediately catering to his whims, this will only reinforce this behavior.
When the tantrum subsides, sit down with the baby, hug, voice your and his feelings, discuss the situation. For example, “I know that you like sweets, remember, sweets are eaten only after lunch”, “I see that you want to go outside, I also like to walk, let's do it after sleep”.
There is nothing wrong if the parents do not satisfy all the child's desires, while it is important that they do not take away the right to these desires, do not depreciate them, ridicule them, do not condemn the child for his endless “want” and whims.
The article was prepared for the NATALIE magazine
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