2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
How I became a mother before a woman
First, I'll tell you about myself:
For the first 10 years of my life, I was the only child in the family. And so a brother was born. At this time, my mother entered the evening department of the institute. I remember my brother's infancy. Mom expressed milk in a bottle and left for work or college. I was left alone with a tiny child. Sometimes my grandmother came. I became a "mother" at 10, 5 years old.
Hobbies, favorite activities, trips to adored pioneer camps are over.
However, during that period of caring for a small child, the following qualities were formed:
-Responsibility for the health and life of another person, -Patience, -Ability to give, -Ability to give yourself to another person, -Attentiveness, -Sensitivity, -Careness, -Ability to take care of a child, and eventually to educate.
The maternal energy in the young girl began to take on a tangible shape.
Decades have passed. The brother grew up, became a strong and confident man. She still perceives me as a second “mother”. Brother was lucky - he has two loving and caring "mothers" in his life.
This story influenced the formation of my personality and values, which I convey in my work: I am empathetic and caring. It is important to me what is happening to you and how.
Now let's digress from me and analyze the situation.
For example, the family has an older child of 8-12 years old and the youngest is born.
If you actively hang the younger on the older, then you cut off childhood for the child - the child will not get it as a child. The child will always have time to become an adult. It is as if you are stealing from a child the carefree and joyful period of life allotted by God.
Of course, there is no need to go to the other extreme - I will not ask the elder for help, fearing his difficult feelings. An older child can and should be involved. This contributes to the formation of good personality traits. But this should be done in moderation and without fanaticism.
Remember that the youngest is your child, not the oldest. The elder has children in front. The elder did not ask you to give birth to his brother or sister. And if you did, then you, as an adult, are still responsible for the appearance of the younger one. Therefore, do not force the elder to be responsible for your actions.
If we talk about age crises, then the older child is experiencing a crisis of competence, including social competence. He has a stage of mastering thousands of complex skills. The child is entering adolescence with a huge number of tasks and challenges. Therefore, the elder and without the younger are full of matters related to personal growth and development. Do not take the energy of the elder away from the difficult tasks of adolescence. Because if these tasks are not solved in time, they will still declare themselves later. Perhaps in old age. Better on time.
Between my own children there are 7, 5 years of difference. And so that the elder did not feel slighted, she tried with all her might to give equal attention to both. Although with a baby in her arms, this is hardly possible. The son still actively reminded of himself. I tell this story:
Detronization of an older child
The son is the firstborn: the first child, grandson and nephew. Of course, his family was spinning around him. He felt like a prince who rightfully occupies the "throne" of love, attention and warmth in the family.
When my sister appeared, I watched in amazement how my mother hurries to every little vyak.
I understood how important it is that the older child is not traumatized by the appearance of the younger. Therefore, with all her might, she stretched on 2 fronts.
In older children, jealousy or regression is often included in such a situation. They suddenly "lose" long-learned skills.
My son, it seems, was unconsciously scared that they would forget, ignore and “plug in” the body. When my daughter was 3 weeks old, he fell ill with a severe form of chickenpox.
Became a striking figure that overshadowed everything else. There was practically no bright spot on it. My heart was bleeding. His body resembled: "I am!"
Perhaps this is how he lived through the "dethronement", said goodbye to the status of the Only Child.
How did your elder get through the detronization?
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