2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I stand and look longingly at the playground. I would like to see the children, because I am the same as them: high-spirited, joyful, with a desire to rush around the playground together. I think that everything is fine with me, but they won't let me go. They say that I am not allowed to go there because “such” are not accepted.
I do not understand. What's wrong with me? It's a shame … I'm angry and want to get to the others, ride a swing, slide down a hill, run after someone and run away from someone. This is so much fun!
But they forbid me because of my peculiarity. I am doomed to stand and watch other children play, walk past playgrounds and be jealous of the fun that happens there. My social circle is limited by my parents and other family members, and that's not what I want at all. My family protects me from dangers that are unknown to me.
So what is my specialty? Arms, legs, torso, head - everything is like everyone else's. Adults are the same, only they differ in size. They accompany me all the time, and I want to run away from them for at least a couple of minutes to those with whom I can be on a par.
Sometimes I think that adults like my uniqueness. I am controlled, I am warned, I am cared for. From this there is a feeling that I do not belong to myself. My life is their property.
They feel influential: they may be angry with me for not doing as they tell them; be offended that I disturb their peace of mind; think that I am stupid and think that they have tricked me. They suffer with me, cannot take care of themselves and their lives, complain that I was born.
It is my responsibility to simplify their lives, because they themselves do not want to sacrifice their own. And I? I make this sacrifice for their sake: I am with them, moreover, I must be obedient. It seems to them that I cannot manage myself in the same way that they “cannot” go about their business.
They convince me that I cannot cope on my own, but it seems to me that they cannot cope without me. I'm special. What will they do without me? And so from day to day: I want to go to the site, I hear that I can't, but when asked "why?" no one answers me.
I start to pretend to believe them. After all, they gave me life, lived more than I did, so let them feel their authority. And I will stay the way they want to see me … How pleasant it is to rule!
Okay, they've calmed down. The main thing is not to show that I have not given up and am still looking towards the playground. Naive parents think they have convinced me of my "peculiarity." After all, everything is all right with me. It was I who deceived them. But sometimes I doubt … Is there really something wrong with me?
No! I am special in some way, like others, I am unique in my own way. Only these lovely relatives want me to be "in a special way". I am ready to give in to them, since such a rule has started. I will keep looking towards the playground and then escaping from my room in the middle of the night. Let them think that I stayed all night in my baby bed, which is becoming small for me.
I continue to play my role. Well, I am special and I have this feature - the feature of being good at deceiving. They taught me a good lesson, and I turned out to be a diligent student. Even too much, since I could deceive myself. I was so carried away by this game that I did not notice how I grew out of children's things. The cot became small for me, and it was time to vacate the nursery in the parental home.
I accepted their challenge and lost. I thought I had the power, and they just gave it to me. It took a lot of time for this competition. I thought I was more cunning than them, but it turned out to be the other way around.
There were no "cunning". There was a life in which all the participants in this story served each other, protected themselves from the outside world, directing all their attention to relationships within the family.
Is there any other way? Yes. It is worth trying to distract from your usual activities, stop and see if this is really what you want to have today. The advice is not easy, but still …
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