2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Of course, we are all traumatized by our happy childhood! When dealing with the trauma of a loved one, the main thing is not to fly into your trauma, since such a situation leads not only to mutual suffering, but also to a break in relations, and here safety rules are needed and important.
Let's discuss them. Signs that your loved one flew into childhood trauma: you are accused of not caring enough for you, you are categorically informed that you think, what you feel, interpret the motives of your behavior in such a way that you do not recognize yourself in it! That is, you understand that you cease to exist as a real person, they do not see you, they do not hear you, all your attempts to justify yourself are unsuccessful - you become a real evil! Moreover, this happens for you absolutely unexpectedly, and all your intentions to settle the conflict are broken against the reinforced concrete walls of that subjective reality, which was built by the consciousness of your loved one, who was captured by the traumatic memories of his childhood experience. Here, in his reality, you can be assigned the role of anyone from his past experience, but as a rule, more often the role of a mother or father! Everything! You are under a powerful energetically charged projection! And no matter what you do, you will not be able to get out of the burden of projections until the opposite side admits the thought that everything may not be the way it sees at this moment and does not doubt the fairness of its judgments about you! I agree that such a maneuver is not for everyone who experiences the pain of an injury. Or rather, only a few can do it! But if you don't hit yours, then the chances are doubled that the other side is aware of their borderline state! If you fell into your own injury from the attack of a person in trauma (and he becomes extremely aggressive and sometimes cruel there), then my condolences to you! This is an extremely difficult situation!
So, what to do when you hear delirium about you, your thoughts, feelings and motives for actions, your intonation, look, voice, facial expression! The first is to tell yourself stop! Do not make excuses, do not argue, do not argue, but simply tell a loved one! "You now see everything through the prism of your pain and I do not recognize myself in the way you describe me now!" pain and I regret that my words unwittingly exposed your trauma and pain! I understand and sympathize! I am near! I do not leave you! When you are ready to accept support from me, come, I am in the next room! " It is better, after all, to leave a loved one for a while, to let him experience the affect! This is in case you are accused of insufficient love and attention! If at the same time you are attacked, which is much worse than in a situation where you are simply rejected with your help and accused, then in the second case you need to be able to stop the attack. The STOP rule often doesn't work! And here it is also recommended to interrupt the contact!
The second situation is a hundred times more difficult, since a person, having fallen into his own trauma, can reach the point of violence against you, both psychological and physical! Do not tolerate it! If you cannot stop and your boundaries are regularly violated, be tough about the passage of family and individual (both partners) psychotherapy. Actually, it is shown in the first case, but the second is more critical, when a person, falling into his trauma, becomes a psychological rapist in the family. If you refuse this path, raise the issue of ending the relationship or endure violence your whole life and show your children an example of how they can then build their own relationships! The choice is yours! And further! If only one partner goes to psychotherapy, then the likelihood of divorce increases tenfold compared to the situation when both do not go to a psychologist or when both go to psychotherapy! The second option helps to maintain a family and a healthy psyche for children growing up in this family.
Have you noticed that your partner accuses you of not caring enough, or is interpreting your actions completely wrong?
(c) Yulia Latunenko
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