The Agony Of Choice. How To Be?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-15 16:05

We make decisions every minute.

Some solutions come easily and naturally. Difficult decisions are worth a lot of agony, doubt, analysis and deliberation.

Briefly, what are these solutions. Associated with key significant areas of human life. For example: health, family, career, living conditions, relationships.

From the fact that we do not know what to do, it can literally burst inside. Alarming, scary, vague. From this, the tension grows, feelings heat up, strength dries up, and we remain in place. Or "go with the flow."

Why is it difficult to make decisions?

There is a desire to do the right thing. Meet the criteria "as needed".

A fairly common picture of the world where there are two sides: good and bad. This is black and this is white! This is correct, but this is not. If you do, think, accept - well done! A step left or right, the desire to make outside the context of these categories - increases the risks of hypothetical censure. And then - feelings of guilt, shame, disappointment in oneself.

This is a little children's story, where we are under a certain authority of authorities. Even if not always real, but internal, appropriated.

And it turns out, it is better to stay in a situation of choice than to make it already, finally. So there is less risk of getting unpleasant feedback from the outside. This is what the child within the person thinks. And he needs landmarks or permissions.

2. Fear of making a mistake and fear of not being able to bear the consequences of that mistake.

This reason is related to the first. After all, how do people determine what is wrong and what is not? When do we make mistakes and when does something go wrong?

After all, this also comes from certain categories "right - wrong", "approved - blamed."

And it turns out that the risk of being wrong is to lose recognition from other people

There are many risks, but also a lot of freedom in allowing yourself to get different experiences, reflect on them and move on.

And what are the consequences? About the same rejection by others.

In childhood, it is important to be accepted, loved. It was difficult to deal with rejection.

This story, if not realized and lived in personal psychotherapy, can come back again and again in adulthood too.

3. Regrets about lost time

There may be a fantasy that the “wrong” decision will move away from the desired result in the time frame. That is, we will simply lose it, and at the same time we will spend a lot of effort.

But, do we think about how much time we waste on the inability to make up our minds and make a decision?

Although, if you look deeper: not making a decision is also a decision (litter for the tautology). The only question is how much with this ok.

4. It is difficult to trust yourself, to hear yourself

"Difficulties in making a choice are difficulties in trusting yourself" (c)

We were not taught to hear ourselves and our needs. We are used to being guided by authorities and accepted standards. And sensations, feelings, intuition, thoughts - to devalue and underestimate. After all, this can be attributed to human weaknesses, lack of competence, life experience or knowledge.

And yes, here, more than ever, the question becomes clear responsibility. I hear myself, attach importance to it, rely on what is important to me.

And, it is logical that I am responsible for this.

But, in this story, just, permissions for yourself appear:

• Go to a different experience.
• Move at your own pace.
• Pause to think before deciding.
• Consider your values and principles.
• Recognize the importance of needs, desires, fears.

But, in the case of fears, also be ready to face them, learn to separate fantasy from reality. And to meet openly with this reality.

For this it is important to feel strength, become a Caring parent for yourself, give freedom to the Inner Child and trust your Adult!

Which of these are you ready to start doing right now?

Do you need help with these processes?

I cannot say that after these changes, decisions will be made easily and naturally! That would be cheating.

But, I know for sure that you will make the choice, not "excruciatingly painful", in captivity of torment and contradictions.

There will be difficulties in making decisions, as in many things in our life.

But, the willingness to meet with them will become much greater. So is resilience in dealing with any consequences of a decision made or not made.

I am ready to be helpful on the way to such changes!

Sometimes, in order to get what you want, you really have to take risks!

But, this risk entails development, opportunities for freedom and a chance for intimacy with oneself. I checked it on personal experience!