2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Have you ever wondered why these or other people appear in your life?
Why do you have such a husband, such parents, friends or children?
Why exactly these and not others?
We are looking for partners that are far from the kind with whom it will be easy and simple for us.
The main task of our stay in this world is development. The best school for this is our relationship. And the best way for accelerated growth is to be close to the person who will press our most painful points 24 hours a day.
Why is this happening?
We are united by the similarity of our injuries. Our being with each other is a chance to go through the missed stages of development in the moment of Here and Now.
It may seem too complicated to understand, but it is.
We complement each other.
In the program of each of us, that partner or those people are prescribed, next to whom we must go through our missed stages of development as much as possible.
There is some truth in the statement "opposites converge", although at first glance it contradicts the idea that people are drawn to each other based on the similarity of emotional experiences experienced in their families.
Example: a couple in which the wife complains about poor health, weak, irresponsible, childish. She is timid, fearful, he is confident, seemingly strong. When studying their family history, it was found that in childhood both experienced the death of their fathers. At a deep level, they were similar, in both sadness was repressed from the conscious and migrated to the unconscious. She began to ache, show infantilism and immaturity, while he remained "strong" and concentrated on caring for his spouse.
One emotional experience, different strategies of behavior. At first glance, they are very different, upon detailed study - there is a similar emotional experience that pushed them into each other's arms. They really have a lot in common. They were attracted to each other by a protective showcase, which complements the personality of each with those qualities that they themselves do not have.
But in the backyard of the subconscious, they are united by a common childhood pain, which they seek to reproduce in their adult relationships.
Superficial differences between partners are due to the fact that partners play different roles with the same hidden problems.
Somewhere “deep down” we hope to return what we have lost in ourselves through close relationships. This desire is secret, but when we live under one roof, the hidden becomes apparent. Gradually, our partner will appear as a completely different person with whom we married.
The paradox of relationships: our happiness and our pain is that we fall in love with the one who hid behind the screen what we are.
“Your partner is exactly the person with whom you will grow up the fastest, but also the one with whom you are most likely to come to a standstill.
Besides, you may hate him just like anyone else in the world”(R. Skinner)
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