Scenario Messages. Pros And Cons. (How To Use Them For Good)

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Transactional Analysis claims that each person has their own Scenario.

At the same time, TA founder Eric Berne believed that the Script was formed in early childhood under the influence of parents, but his followers Graham Summers and Keith Tudor found that the construction of the Script continues throughout life and is determined by the relationships in which a person is.

However, all authors agree on one thing, that the structure and deployment of the Script depends on those Messages that a person receives from other people literally from the moment of his birth.

E. Bern considered three categories of Script Messages:

1. Verbal messages, which he called Counter-orders. These can be norms and rules, mottos, sayings, attitudes and beliefs, delineation of boundaries, and so on.

For example: "you have to be neat", "you can't easily get a fish out of the pond", "it is forbidden to cross the road at a red light", "no one can be trusted", "do everything quickly."

2. Non-verbal messages that convey the emotional state of a person and may contain Prohibitions and Permissions. They can be supported by words, but the main thing here is the impact on the deeper layers of the psyche. Options: facial expressions of fear and tension when a child (or partner) does something unsafe, or angry silence in response to the initiative, or irritation just at the sight of another person, or a smile when accepting a gift, joy from the achievements of another.

3. Programs, that is, teaching others HOW to do something: how to brush your teeth, how to relax (for example, drink wine), how to work (without interruption, or, conversely, at random), how to love, hate, devalue, and so on …

Any of these Messages can be positive or negative

Suppose Ban using physical violence as a way to prove oneself in the right is positive, but the prohibitions on expressing feelings, intimacy or on one's own opinion are definitely negative.

Permissions to be meaningful, to think, to achieve goals are constructive, but Permission to be rude to people or unceremoniously violate other people's boundaries is clearly not okay.

According to modern concepts, it is not always the Parental Messages that are decisive in the creation of the Scenario. Perhaps in the life of a child, and then of an adult, there were strong personalities, whose influence overlapped or strengthened the effect of the parental Messages.

Even at a very early age, if a child in a maternity hospital was weaned from his mother due to illness, and there was a health worker next to him for a month or two, then his effect on the child can be decisive. (Both plus and minus).

For example, if the child was unwanted, and the nurse treated him with warmth and care, then he may receive the message "live, you are important", which will block the parental message "do not live." The opposite situation is also possible.

Teachers and teachers (from kindergarten to university), trainers, significant friends and acquaintances can have a strong impact on a person and his life path.

A person receives these Messages, processes them, endows them with meaning, and then decides how best to live in this situation.

Of course, the vast majority of significant Messages we received all the same in childhood, which formed the basis of the Script. But in adulthood, we have the power to change that.

The easiest to change are Counter-orders and Programs, but Prohibitions, which are often not realized, are worked out in psychotherapy with a Transactional Analyst.

Here I would like to propose options for working with one of the most common types of Counter-orders, which are called Drivers.

This concept was invented by Tybee Kahler, a famous personality in Transactional Analysis.

Literally, a driver is a driver. In a figurative sense - a message given to a child by a parent, which "forces" him to follow this motto. The driver gives a conditional okay. The child believes that if he follows the Driver, then everything will be ok.

But the trick is that it is impossible to achieve complete success in fulfilling this instruction, which means that overance is unattainable.

There are five Drivers in total: Hurry, Be Perfect, Try, Make others happy and Be strong

Life without Drivers, which "push" us in a certain direction, has a completely different shade: rich and natural.

Let's see what this means for each driver.

1. Instead of Hurry - Do everything at your own pace and with gusto!

We get:

- great pleasure, for example, tasting every element of food slowly and with immersion in taste

- a lot of insights with calm and conscious performance of routine work

2. Instead of Be Perfect - Doing everything well enough but not perfect

As a result:

- many things are done easily and completed without stress and anxiety

- instead of fatigue, full of energy and strength to take care of yourself

3. Instead of Try - Finish what you started, make a choice in favor of the most significant actions

At the exit:

- finished projects that bring satisfaction and profit

- delight in your own capabilities and abilities to do from start to finish

4. Instead of Pleasing Others - Be yourself, please yourself

We have:

- unconditional joy from myself, who I am, understanding that any of my qualities are zest

- win-win behavior that does not depend on the mood of others.

5. Instead of Be Strong - Feel and Express Feelings

And then:

- we feel this world in its various manifestations

- we understand what we want and express our feelings and needs to others

Allow yourself all this from an early age and then every moment will be filled with meaning and harmony.