2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I ended the previous article with a description of the client's inner and emotionally devastated state. This client experiences feelings of uncertainty, anxiety and fear in a lost relationship that was previously understandable and predictable to him.
He often comes to the office to work with a complaint that "I was abandoned." And he describes the entire history of relationships with a partner who “disappeared” or “avoids relationships”, describes with warmth and sensitivity, the depth of the experience of these relationships. And everything seems to be perfect, everything is "like in a fairy tale": complete mutual understanding and emotional closeness. And … there is a sharp change in attitudes and moods.
Sometimes it happens as a destructive way of "manipulating" others ("you suffer and do as I want"). Sometimes - as a way to increase your value and feel your need for another. In any case, a dishonest and very cruel way of interacting with another person.
And sometimes, along with the above reasons, everything is explained by counter-dependence, as a form of escape from emotional closeness with a partner.
So, counter-addiction is the way a person interacts with another person, when the intimacy is so deep and touching that that other partner is not able to transfer all the responsibility and strength of feelings in the relationship. At this stage, it is easier for him to "run away, disappear, freeze himself" from another to whom he was open.
What is the reason for this behavior? And all this happens because of the feeling of vulnerability and vulnerability in front of another. Because there is a fear that the other will know and be able to “hurt me. He is dangerous to me. I'd better run away, disappear. After all, it takes a lot of courage and courage to tell the truth in person.
There is an opinion that such people are simply "independent" and "independent" e. But the only difference is that "independent" people do everything from the point of view of "I can ask for help, accept it, but I am also able to do everything myself (on my own)." But "dependent" people do this or that from the point of view of "I will do everything myself, because I do not want to depend on another, having received his help. Then I am weak and vulnerable. It's dangerous for me."
If you are interested in this topic or you have any questions, you can ask me them in PM.
If you want to learn more about this feature, I suggest you read the book by Janey and Barry Winehold “Addiction. Escape from intimacy."
The next post will be about attachment.
Part 3. "Attachment. What is it? What is it for us? And what will happen if it is not?"
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How Does Counterdependence Arise And Can It Be Defeated?
Real intimacy always comes with a lot of risk. This is its paradox: having close emotional ties is necessary for happiness, but no one can guarantee that one of them will not cause severe pain. Sometimes it seems that too strong a feeling can absorb the personality of a lover, and sometimes we are paralyzed by the fear of being too dependent or losing someone who has become so dear.
Codependency And Counterdependence. Counterdependency In Relationships
Why does a counterdependent person at the beginning of a relationship behave like a codependent, showing their characteristic traits? What is the essence of this situation? You meet a person, he is completely involved in your relationship, giving them all his free time and completely himself - constant meetings and walks, intense correspondence in instant messengers, joint plans.
Fusion And Codependency As A Form Of Intimacy. The Difference Of Fusion, Codependency, And Intimacy
Let's look at merging as a form of intimacy - when is it great and when is it overkill? There is practically no difference between merging and codependency. The only difference is that the word "codependency" is most often used by psychologists (now and by a wider mass of people) to describe some kind of painful attachment, addiction, when a person is already in pain.
Avoidant Personality Type. Counterdependence. Relationship Fear
How was the character of the avoidant personality type formed? What are the difficulties in it? An interesting fact is that there is no mention of the avoidant personality type in psychoanalysis, and even the avoidant defense mechanism does not exist as such (there is omnipotence, denial, isolation).
Treason: Escape From Intimacy
During my work, I have heard various stories of infidelity. But this one was very obscure to me - and therefore special. The client, Irina, a beautiful woman, did not immediately begin her story. After Irina sat down in a chair, she was silent, and then began to cry.
