2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
“Don't ask what the world needs. Better ask yourself what brings you back to life. The world needs those who have returned. Howard Thurman
Are you familiar with the state when the next morning you "tear" yourself out of bed, and in your head there is already a complete list of to-do's for the day and each task claims to be urgently accomplished? And all these things must be done on time, not to be late, not to miss, not to forget … And these "must" seem to be good, these are useful and necessary things and skills. But sometimes you don't want to do them. It often happens that they are done automatically or, even worse, on their own coercion. And then the person falls after hard work at the end of the day-week-month-year and realizes that he is tired and exhausted. From what? Yes, from all sorts of things: home, everyday life, work … Vanity. And the fatigue from this is all-consuming, when you do not want anything, when even the body signals that there is no strength left and you just want to lie and not think about anything. Or sleep for a day, week, month …
But there is also a pleasant fatigue. This is when I did something necessary, but what I was striving for, what I was burning with and what I was inspired to. And he put his strength into it and was tired, but fatigue does not burden, but brings satisfaction. I still remember the words of the physical education teacher: "When you train for pleasure, then pleasant fatigue appears in the muscles." Then I did not understand this phrase, how fatigue can be pleasant, but muscles ache. Now I understand - this fatigue is not from violent actions on oneself, but from the desired labor.
It depends on us whether we do not our own business, do not our work, losing strength and health, or choose a different path that will lead to a happy and fulfilling life. It is a matter of choice - whether I want it or not. Why, then, are many of us deprived of this choice? Because most have been taught since childhood that there are a lot of responsibilities that we must fulfill. With age, they became more and more, and already somewhere in the middle of life people come to the conclusion that almost their entire life consists of all sorts of "must". Sometimes no, no, and some "I want" will flicker, but the voice of the conscience of mom and dad, grandfather and grandmother, a teacher from a kindergarten or a teacher at school sounds louder and more insistent. A voice that says, "You must." We are so used to this voice that we have long since mistaken it for our own. As a child, you had to eat porridge, share toys, learn to go to the pot at a certain age. As teenagers, we were taught not to argue with adults, to study at 5s or at least at 4s. It was necessary to decide on a profession and it would be good to enter a university. In adulthood, "must" generally becomes an attribute of everyday life. We need to start a family, have children, find a decent job, earn money in order to buy a car apartment. I'm not even talking about household “must”: pay for the kindergarten school, take the child to the doctor, register and then take him to the circle (because the child needs to be smart and comprehensively developed), run to the store, call mom, discuss with wife (husband) financial issues of the family. And all this is very necessary! Only sometimes it is done through force.
How can you change this and finally start living for real? The secret lies in what definition we give to our actions, in what form we dress, what determines our attitude to business. In how they instilled a love of learning, for example, or taught them to work, I will not say anything new. Everyone is familiar with the carrot-and-stick method: either we will force or we will persuade. But neither there nor there is no freedom of personal choice. So that you yourself want to go and do it. It is about this freedom that I want to say, because for me it is the main engine of our accomplishments. This is when a person confidently says to himself: “I want to do this.” I want to finish the project in order to close this issue and not return to it anymore. I want to go to the store to buy something delicious for dinner. I want to take the child to a circle, let him look, take part, and then he will choose whether he wants to study or not. Persuasion will only cause disgust and a feeling of deception, and the use of force is tantamount to suppressing the will and the inability to freely choose. Understanding that you are doing something from your own choice has many advantages:
- freedom appears … I can do it, or better put it off for later, because something else is important. This makes it easier to prioritize.
- it releases a lot of energy. When a person does on the basis of "I want", he is driven by interest, and this is a resource for performing any tasks.
- less anxiety … Stopping and interrupting one's own desires and aspirations arising from growing interest generates anxiety. Anxiety prevents you from focusing, introduces uncertainty in large quantities and leads to uncertainty in your choices.
- understanding that you don't need to do something, but you want to give more confidence … This helps to reduce anxiety (see the previous point), because if you have faith in yourself, there is no need to suppress the interest arising in something.
- fear disappears … Here's an example. It is necessary to speak to the audience (it is necessary to submit the report on time, enter the university, etc.) There is a lot of fear, and suddenly it will not work out. When “need” is replaced by “want”, fear becomes less or it disappears. Excitement and interest come to replace, and it is much easier to act with them, because fear paralyzes and does not allow to express itself.
- knowing yourself and your desires … A person who listens to himself asks himself the question every time: "Do I really want this, what does it mean for me, what does it give me or my loved ones?"
And most importantly, a person ceases to be demanding of himself and recognizes the right to make a mistake. There are no perfect people. And if a person does not succeed the first time, even with all his "want", he treats it wisely. And he gives himself a chance to implement his plans. It is difficult for such a person to impose a feeling of guilt and instill a state of helplessness and self-doubt.
Sometimes you have to do something that does not coincide with your own desires. But if the tasks are perceived as those for which you do not need, but you want to take up, then life will become much easier and freer.
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