2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
One day there comes a moment when, clearly, like crimson sails on blue water, the realization comes: a fairy tale will not happen. And not because the prince lingered in a cozy cafe around the corner, drinking an orange latte. And not because my stepmother today was especially out of sorts and forced to separate salt from sugar. But you just wake up, open your eyes - and here it is, this awareness. And it does not depend on such warm weather outside the window, or on the number of promotions at work
Before that, all the time spent in agonizing anticipation was not so hard despite the difficult study at the institute, early waking up and such a tedious need to go to a completely uninspiring job. Each ordeal was brightened up by the expectation of the final chord of a fabulous melody, followed by the credits and everything will certainly turn out well. And now it didn’t happen. And there is no more strength to work. Friends, who have long awakened in reality, have no strength. They do not exist, no matter what, because total disappointment covers with a concrete-clay routine.
And it is not so important what exactly this universal happiness consisted of. In loving and accepting parents, who are able to support in any difficult moment and who love regardless of their achievements. Or the husband, with whom you had to live in perfect harmony, sometimes quarreling for decency because of the movie for the evening. Or in ringing children's laughter, which could shed light of meaning and joy into such a dark and incomprehensible life. And now it has come today - and the expectation of happiness is over.
At first, you blame the unjust universe, because it did not signal a little early, did not prepare your eyes, ears and consciousness for such a harsh reality. Then you begin to blame yourself, because there were enough signals, you just didn't want to see them at all. And in this cycle of guilt, pain and despair, you are looking for a way out that you cannot find. Simply because he is not visible behind the veil of grief that suddenly fell.
For a start, it is important to get angry and be sure to give this anger a way out: break the dishes (you can even paper), go to the box and mark a pear, run along the green paths with loud music in your ears. If you want to cry, cry. Allow yourself this, because closed tears will certainly find a way out on their own: illnesses, breakdowns, sudden fractures, accidents..
When you cry, it will feel a little easier and the pain will dull a little. It will not go away at all, but it will curl up into a quiet lump in the corner of your soul. Perhaps she will not be the first thing that catches your eye in the morning, but she will burst into your piled apathy with a sharp gust of wind, tearing off the already barely warming scarf of familiar things.
And then the realization will come that the prince (the one you read about in books as a child with golden curls) will not be. Not because you didn’t deserve it, but simply - you won’t. Ultimately, having said goodbye to disappointed expectations and treacherous unfulfilled dreams, you will be able to breathe a little calmer.
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