2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
How did you decide - to feel happy only after the New Year or after a salary increase? When will you be perfectly slim or after buying a car? How many more achievements do you need to realize in order to finally feel happiness? How endless can this list be?
Very often we set ourselves certain "nicks", goals, after the achievement of which we hope to feel joy or happiness. We load these goals with additional expectations. For example, that after the New Year a different life will begin, or that after buying an expensive dress, I will feel more attractive and feminine. It turns out that as if this or that event, or achievement has the power to cause a certain emotional state in us.
Is this exactly the case? Or did we ourselves “load” this event with additional meanings?
Surely a dress can make someone more feminine or beautiful in and of itself? Or does Monday give you strength to start your diet? Or does the experience of this or that emotional state depend on ourselves?
What does it take to be happy or joyful? Often it is enough to allow yourself to feel happiness at this moment. Yes, the presence of something additional can quickly trigger the experience of this state or intensify it, make it more vivid. But if at the peak of your life you do not open your heart, do not let joy into it, then so that it does not happen, no matter what goals you achieve, there will be little. An event is not a toggle switch for a specific state. You are the author and master of your emotional life. You can feel happy, joyful under very constrained life circumstances, and completely unhappy sitting in a luxurious house.
I notice for myself that very often I seem to "hold on" to the moments that upset me. On the one hand, it is a way of how to survive them, how to cope with them. But on the other hand, the more I hold on to them, the more they affect my emotional state, the more I sink into, for example, irritation, melancholy. And more and more my attention is directed to what upsets me. The unpleasant state grows like a snowball.
But suddenly I manage to switch my attention to joyful moments, keep them in focus more, give them space inside, and then my state also changes. It can become more joyful, calm, balanced, or anything else.
What feelings do you give space inside? Which state do you choose yourself? Can you allow yourself to feel happiness and joy?
Let's see why it works this way. Very often this is due to our habit of being in one or another emotional state, which is the background of our life. For example, an alarm condition. Anxiety can be learned from childhood from our parents or taken over from the general context of the country's life at that moment. But it can also be the result of psychological trauma, become part of our adaptation to negative experiences.
As adults, we can consciously change our emotional state. This is not always an easy and fast path, but this does not mean that it cannot be followed.
One of the possible exercises in changing your state is working with the focus of perception. I recommend trying it out. It is better to do it for several weeks so that the result is more noticeable.
It is necessary to notice during the day what makes you happy or joyful. Better yet, write these things or events down by the end of the day. It can be something very simple - a cup of delicious tea in the morning, a smile of a loved one, etc. By doing this, we switch our perception from negative to joyful moments for us, we begin to form another habit and consciously open our hearts to good.
There are many practices of gratitude. They also work to form a new emotional state. You can pick up something of them that suits you. A long journey always starts with the first steps. This could be one of them.
Good luck on your life path!
Your Natalia Fried
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