2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
No.
The pain man speaks. He speaks long and modestly, pulling out the chords of madness with an incredible effort of will, looks at the floor, his voice trembles. It is scary to hear, what he says is capable of destruction, this caustic liquid burns holes in the hearts and dissolves the consciousness of the listener. The pain-man sets the tone for the movement of air, his spirit is broken, his body hurts, he is tired. It's hard to stand, it's hard to hold, it's unbearable to listen to, and it's extremely scary to be around. Here everything slows down, life loses itself in this space of inaction, there is no wind movement, calmness, it smells of death and despondency here, this place is designed to take away the last drop of hope.
Nobody wants to listen to pain, even for money. A piece of life will defend itself, attack this substance of existential meaning, the traumatized ego will immediately rush to heal the pain, expelling it in this way from its field of vision, confirming to myself that I am alive, I can revive, heal, which means that I am not like that, I am not pain, I'm not him. The pain-man paralyzes the consciousness, calling shadow doctors who treat only in the morgue, so it is safer and less troublesome, he awakens the sleeping instinct of life and makes him kill. To stay alive in the midst of pain, pain must be killed. Simple motto, affordable methods. It is almost impossible to listen to a pain-man to the end, it is hard to see him, you want to run away, throwing him a goodbye magic recipe for success, splashing positive holy water on him and securely locking the door behind you. No, there is nothing good in it for the listener, no, no, no. Fear makes the listener pull his hair on the floor, change into bright clothes of joy, he is scared, he is very scared that someone can see them together, what then, suddenly everyone will understand that they are the same? No, I don’t want that.
It is difficult to listen to a pain man, it is difficult to accept in principle that he is such, it is difficult to witness the presence of such sincere falls in his life, a person turned inside out, withered, withered, devoid of meaning, pain is shocking and causes mental suffering. How unrealistic it is to simply understand that he is like that, how painful it is not to succumb to your fear, and not try to resurrect him playing the role of God, because it is so unbearable to see in him your depression lying in a crystal coffin, hidden, sealed in a vacuum package, chopped off with sleeping pills and tranquilizers, written off and deleted from the house book, living here from the moment you appeared in this big and incomprehensible world. In general, it becomes scary when you begin to be aware of something, and the person-pain is the best visual aid for self-awareness. But, not everyone reads books.
You listen, you look at him, and then, bam, a sharp flash of pain in his eyes blinds you, everything is visible there, but it hurts to look, the black sun of depression has reached its zenith and covered all your shadows with its radiance, now the shadow looks at you with the eyes of a man- pain, and you are unable to hold your gaze, this black light penetrates into the very soul, where you have not yet been, and betraying its pain with your "treatment" you avert your gaze from the corpse of your devotion to this life. The depth is on the surface, the leviathan surfaced and spoke to you, you were honored, and you showed disrespect, what could be more terrible to feel your hopelessness from the mouth of another person. And the depth returns to the bottom again, the pain-man leaves unheard, and you just you, as you were, as you are, and so you will be.
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