When Your Heart Hurts: Beware! Mental Pain

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-07 22:18

Mental pain is one of the most important, most serious and most subtle mental phenomena. It is as if it is and as if it is not, because physically nothing hurts you! She is unbearable and is associated with a lot of often conflicting feelings. This kind of pain leads to suffering as a result of the loss of the meaning of life (existential meaning), feelings of loneliness, isolation, dying, grief of loss: the death of a loved one or the loss of significant relationships (separation, divorce). All these are the causes of pain, which can lead to the development of suicidal tendencies.

Mental pain divides life in half "before" and "after" the occurrence of a traumatic event, which, as it were, splits the integrity of the personality, devalues all previous experience, and then deprives the person of value, which undoubtedly causes severe suffering.

Sharp, aching, excruciating, uncompromising, helpless, endless - this is how mental pain can be described. What is behind it? What is hidden behind such unbearableness?

Pain is defined as a universal sign indicating the destruction or threat of destruction of the integrity of the boundaries between a person and the outside world at one or more of the following levels: physical - bodily, mental - emotional, existential, or the level of relationships with other people.

A person interacts with the world through contact - creating, changing and destroying the border between him and the environment. For example, when we get to know someone, we create a boundary for our interaction: we find out what the other is doing, what he loves, what he does not like, tell the same about ourselves, find common ground, common themes. Then this border can change many times: we become closer, more common topics, more communication, perhaps a common activity, then, probably, we will quarrel and move away for a while to meet again in closeness. And so on "until death do us part", or some other good reason does not destroy the relationship, and we will be forced to say goodbye.

Any new circumstance arising from the outside world changes, transforms the border we have built, this process requires flexibility of the border itself and can lead either to injury or to the creation of a renewed border, taking into account new circumstances.

The stronger, more dramatic the change, the more intense the pain and accompanying feelings. In certain situations, it becomes unbearable, and then a tragic choice arises between the desire for further changes, which are the very essence of life, and the suffering that they cause.

A person protects himself from pain, and at the same time from changes, by not allowing contact, using various protective mechanisms, thus forming specific forms of protective behavior. These behaviors, ways of responding and coping with pain, to some extent help not to notice it, but they lead to prolonged traumatic reactions and dramatically reduce the possibility of experiencing pleasure, joy and happiness in life.

The desire for further change and the ability to experience pain at any level is associated with the successful or unfavorable experience of a person's three basic needs: security, attachment, and achievement. The appearance of certain types of pain is associated with frustration (dissatisfaction) of the corresponding needs in the previous experience of a person, which in crisis situations leads to the emergence of unbearable mental pain.

When need for security was frustrated by some unforeseen event: falling, cold, abandonment, when the mother left for more than 3 hours, a specific reaction is formed to any life changes - they are perceived as a direct threat to life. Even not only the changes themselves, but also their potential, cause a strong vital fear, right down to physical symptoms. Often in such cases, pain is caused by emotions of anxiety, horror, confusion, helplessness and hopelessness.

If the experience was experienced violation of the need for attachment to a significant other, for example, parents systematically left a one-year-old child, made promises and did not fulfill them, possibly beat or left alone for a long time, rejected; then a codependent type of behavior is formed (dependence on another person, love dependence) or a persistent addictive (dependent) type of behavior (alcoholism, drug addiction, gambling, sexual addiction). In this case, existential pain can unfold - the pain of disappointment and meaninglessness of life, as well as the pain of desaturation, when it seems that nothing can drown out, quench this pain. Perhaps the most excruciating and most common type of mental pain caused by attachment disorders, it is often associated with feelings of anger, fear, resentment, envy, jealousy, pity, and shame.

Changes occurring during the period of satisfaction needs for achievement, are closely related to the establishment, maintenance and completion of relationships with other people, which gives rise to a type of mental pain associated with competition with significant people. This is the pain of humiliation / recognition. When a child brings his first creation to mom / dad, and he laughs back or says: "What is this disgusting ?!" Such pain is colored by fear, shame, guilt, disappointment, and envy.

What to do if you are in pain? Where to run? And How can I help myself?

Mental pain is the main and most important reason to seek professional help from a psychologist-psychotherapist

You should not "wait out" or try to ease it with sedatives of any kind, from alcohol to sedatives. These kinds of ways to cope with pain only exacerbate the problem and your condition, and are also fraught with the development of more serious consequences, such as:

1.the loss of the meaning of life, 2.suicidal tendencies, 3.depression, 4.psychosomatic symptoms - real physical illness, 5.inability to enjoy and enjoy life, 6. loss of bodily and emotional sensitivity.

At the moment, there are a lot of Internet portals with databases of psychologists throughout the country, with a detailed description of the qualifications of each and the cost of services - you can choose the specialist that suits you personally. Or choose several, go to an initial consultation with each and then decide with whom to continue therapy.

So, if you feel:

• Severe pain within the body or region of the heart, of an unclear, non-physical nature.
• Tearfulness: You cry a lot and even when it is inappropriate.
• Get very angry, even when it's inappropriate.
• You are sure that “all is lost”, “there is no point in doing something,” “no one needs me,” etc.
• You do not sleep well: you cannot sleep, you wake up at night.
• You are very scared! You are afraid that you will die or a loved one (parent or spouse, or child) will die

Please do not delay - call, write, find yourself a specialist and start therapy!

Here are some practical steps you can take to help yourself before you get to a specialist.

1. Breath … Breathing nourishes and fills us with life. Air is the main source and symbol of life, namely, when a sufficient amount of oxygen enters the lungs, a signal is sent to the brain that "everything is fine!" That you are safe and nothing threatens you. Following this, the brain sends a signal to the autonomic nervous system and the level of stress hormones decreases, and you calm down a little. For this to work, you need to sit comfortably, try to relax your body and breathe: deeply, evenly, freely, without effort or strain. It is worth doing this for 10-20 minutes before you feel how your body really relaxes, and you calm down.

2. Contact with reality … Reality is not always pleasant, but always honest. Look around you: what do you see right now? See the hurricane? A maniac with a chainsaw? Do you have water? And the food? Are you warm? Take another deep breath to make sure you have enough oxygen as well. Enough? So: the task of contact with reality now is to establish the fact that you are safe! There is no doubt that in reality you can find many unpleasant facts that confirm your pain, but this is not our task now! We look exclusively at security options. So, repeat to yourself several times that you are safe, you have water, you have food, you are warm and you can breathe freely! If it helps you to wrap yourself up in a blanket or blanket in order to really feel safe and sound, you can do it. The end result should be a complete understanding that you are safe, you can relax and be like that for a while.

3. Search for a psychologist and sign up for a consultation … Mental pain is insidious and, alas, does not go away from breathing exercises and restoring safety, even from gatherings with a girlfriend in the kitchen. The causes of pain are deep and related to many other aspects of your life. Do not spare either time or money, sign up for a consultation.

4. Finding a pain resource … It's hard to believe and accept, but pain in itself is a good sign. If something hurts me, then it is still alive! I’m still alive if I’m sick! Only that which is already dead does not hurt. If you are experiencing pain, then you are a living, feeling, sensual, delicate person. If you are experiencing pain, then life itself gives you a chance to change for the better. Remember, the cause of pain is a violation of the border of a person's contact with the world, this is an event that requires a change, transformation of the border, greater flexibility and adaptability of the border - human self-improvement. Pain is not only the dying of the old, but the birth of the new.

5. Search for the value I … Mental pain as a signal of the experienced value and the limit of tolerance. Roughly speaking, you would not be so painful if it were not for feelings, needs, and relationships that are so important and so valuable. It is pain that can open for you a value that you might not even have suspected, will give strength and desire to take care of yourself as a bearer of this value, open the door to a deeper and more sensitive understanding of yourself.

Mental pain is a difficult and complex mental phenomenon, it is difficult to bear and can carry with it both severe consequences for the personality: Pain = Depression, so serve as a springboard for personality development: Pain = Love. It all depends on the choice that the person makes.

What choice will you make?