2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Many of you have heard the phrase “Self-esteem is built in childhood”. You utter this phrase, and the thought immediately creeps in: what is it there, self-esteem is laid, and what will it be like for the child to live with it. And how to increase self-esteem if the child does not think highly of himself.
These questions are correct, but you should not overdo it with the answers to these questions. I am not writing this article to increase (usually) high parental anxiety. Rather, on the contrary - to "put everything on the shelves."
So, self-esteem is formed in a child based on how he is "evaluated" by adults from his immediate environment. At preschool age, these are parents who rejoice at the achievements of the baby and in every possible way emphasize its importance. The significance of his accomplishments, albeit small, but still. While statements like “You won’t obey, I’ll give you to that aunt for re-education” (there may be variations on the topic of where the child can be given or who can take him away), give rise to the child's thoughts “Do I need it? whether me”. As a result, doubts about their value and significance, in psychological terms, reduce self-esteem.
What happens next. When a child enters school, his social circle expands, and the circle of people who directly or indirectly evaluate him. The child begins to focus on the teacher's opinion. Game motivation is replaced by school motivation - ideally, this should happen when entering school. The child tries on a new role of a schoolchild, strives to conform to the image of a “good student”, to meet the expectations of adults. The main thing with these expectations is not to overdo it. If excessive demands are made on the child (or he makes them to himself), then even the most capable student may consider himself a worthless loser.
But then everything changes dramatically. With the onset of adolescence, peers become authority, the opinion of adults loses its magical power. The child is guided by the opinion of friends, leaders of the company. I want to be “cool”, “like everyone else”. The teenager will communicate in the company where he is appreciated, where his positive self-esteem is supported, in psychological terms. This is partly why children can choose a company that seems to adults “not corresponding to their level of development”, “unworthy”. It's very simple: if adolescents do not receive confirmation of their value in another significant group (family, class), then they choose the group in which they will definitely be accepted. It is here that they adopt the “attributes of adulthood,” which are not always welcomed by the older generation.
While I was writing this article, I remembered a comic phrase (in every joke, as you know …): “Children cannot choose their own parents, but they can choose their own psychotherapist”. But I promised not to increase parental anxiety, so in conclusion, I will briefly talk about how to help the child build adequate self-esteem. I will try briefly, although, of course, each of these points needs comments:
- To praise. Praise for specific achievements, however small (from an adult's point of view).
- To compare the child not with other children, but only with himself, some time ago.
- Talk about your feelings, avoiding interpretations and evaluations.
- If you evaluate, then evaluate not the personality of the child as a whole, but his specific actions.
I promise to dwell on each of these points in more detail in the following articles. Have a nice day and positive self-esteem!
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