Children's Tantrums. Reasons And Methods Of Struggle

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

CHILDREN'S HYSTERIC: CAUSES AND METHODS OF STRUGGLE

If you have a child, you have probably experienced sudden and abrupt changes in your child's mood, which could ultimately lead to uncontrollable hysteria. Many do not even know how to react to such manifestations of the baby's feelings. Let's first figure out what hysteria is.

Hysterics - This is a violent manifestation of anger, irritation, anger, indignation. This is an attempt to achieve independence. This is how children declare themselves. This is a message to adults and the world around us that "I am" and a request to pay attention to it. In a state of hysterics, a child can stomp, scream, bite, beat, scratch, growl, fall to the floor, throw toys, throw everything around, hurt himself. Thus, the baby tries to satisfy his needs and declare his “want”. After all, he still cannot do otherwise.

What is the harbinger of hysteria? Why do they appear? There may be several reasons, and I propose to understand them.

- Physical discomfort - the baby still does not fully understand the signals of his body. He may experience some kind of pain or discomfort, but he is unable to recognize and articulate it, but this deprives him of his inner comfort and balance.

- The kid is overworked or tired

Violation of the daily routine (the baby is hungry, did not sleep during the day or wants to sleep)

- The kid cannot express his feelings in words.… Children need to be taught to express their feelings by voicing them constantly.

A child cannot get from adults what he wants so badly. When a child hears “no” from a parent, he rebelles, is indignant and tries to achieve what he wants in any way.

- The physical or psychological state of the baby before or after the illness … Remember yourself, when you are sick, during this period you want to feel sorry, caress and often even adults can achieve this only with the help of tears.

- Manifestation of character … It can be a call for independence or a protest against an authoritarian style of upbringing, when a child is prohibited from everything and everywhere.

- The baby's need for emotional or physical relaxation … When there are too many feelings and emotions, they need to be "thrown off" so that it is not so hard and painful.

- When there is no consent in the family … It is very important for a child to know and understand what he can and cannot do. And when adults in a family cannot agree on a single line of upbringing and behavior, the child begins to harm, and then manipulate adults. Kids understand very clearly that some relatives allow them more than others. And the child begins to actively use this, begging for what he needs.

- Deficit of adult attention … The attention is very important to the child, and he needs it a lot. When he receives less of it from adults, he begins to be capricious.

- Adults try to distract or distract the child from play … It is imperative for children to be given time to complete the action. Otherwise, the child has the feeling that he was forcefully torn away from an exciting activity.

WHAT TO DO WHEN THE HYSTERICIAN DOESN'T START

Combine rigid rules with flexibility

It is important that you have rules like "brick walls" that will not break under any circumstances. As a rule, this is something that can harm the baby or be a threat to life: do not climb into the outlet, do not cross one road, do not pick up a knife, do not go to the fire, etc. In all other cases, it is important to be flexible and allow child independence. For example, when he himself wants to tie his shoelaces or choose which clothes to wear. It is desirable that for one "no" there were at least five "yes". If the child does not want to follow the rules in any way, offer him an alternative. "This is not allowed, but this and this is possible"

Give your child a choice

This is very important for the formation in the child of independence in decision-making and the value of his own opinions and desires. It will make it easier for you to offer your child “choice without choice”. For example: "Will you wear a dress or overalls?", "Are you going to wash with your feet or carry you?"

Clarify your baby's feelings

For example, "You are angry that we need to leave the playground!", "You are offended that you did not receive a new toy!" This will allow the baby to talk about his feelings and be aware of them.

WHEN HYSTERIC IS IN HEIGHT

Remain resilient

Children often throw tantrums in a crowded place. Then the parents lose their composure and stable parenting position. They are afraid of the judgment of others, fall into guilt and shame. In this state, they cannot react adequately and often shout at the child or even beat. It is important not to succumb to these feelings and not pay attention to those around you, but to act in your own interests with caring for the child.

Be a container for your child's emotions

It is important to understand what happens to a child during a tantrum. When he is faced with the fact that he cannot get what he wants, he is overwhelmed with anger and he himself is no longer able to cope with feelings. If mom continues to say “no” or silently waits until the hysteria is over, she throws him one on one with his emotions, which is very traumatic. This behavior of the mother greatly scares the baby. If mom accepts his anger and disappointment, stands up to his hatred, he will soon be comforted and calm down.

Take your child in your arms or hug

If the hysteria started in a crowded place, hug the child and take it to another place. For a child in a moment of tantrum, physical contact is very important so that he can feel the boundaries of his body. If the hysteria started at home, you can wrap the child in a blanket and hug. Offer him to breathe, give him some water to drink. At this point, the child needs boundaries and an adult to shape those boundaries.

Leave the actor without an audience

Very often the child plays to the audience and throws tantrums in crowded places. It is worth taking the child out of the store, taking him to another room and depriving him of the audience. Then the hysteria ends quickly, because there is no one to cry for.

Offer an adequate replacement

For example, now we cannot buy this plane because there is no money, but we can come home and make it out of paper or plasticine. Collaboration can be more attractive than a toy from a store.

Capricious chair

If a tantrum occurs at home, put the child on a chair with the words: “If you want to be capricious, be capricious in this chair! And when you stop crying, come back and we will play together. Thus, the child will understand that he cannot influence the parents with his whims and tears.

Voice

It is important to speak in a calm and quiet voice during a tantrum. It is easier for a child to hear such a timbre and understand that it is possible to rely on you. Say: "I am near, I love you, I will accept you"

Words

It is important to make it clear to the child that you will not leave him alone with difficult emotions and will help him get what he wants. Be sure to tell your child: “When you scream and cry, I cannot understand and hear you. Say calmly and I can help you."

WHAT IS NOT WORTH DOING

Ignore

In no case should the child's emotions be ignored, otherwise he will have a feeling of rejection, uselessness and worthlessness.

Deceive

You can't say one thing and do another. For example, a mother promises after the child calms down to buy a typewriter and does not. But the child waits, hopes and makes incredible efforts to calm down and get what he wants.

Switch attention

Of course, the strategy “Oh, look, the bird has flown” can stop the hysteria, but this way distracts the child from feelings and does not allow him to experience them. And the child has the feeling that he was not understood and accepted.

Concede

It is very important to be persistent and not give in to avoid tantrums. If you tell your child that you cannot eat five candies at once, and then succumb to his persuasion and allow you to eat a couple more, then the child understands that you can be manipulated and get what you want a little more than usual.

So, many factors influence the occurrence of hysteria, which parents need to discover, understand and acknowledge. The most important thing, in my opinion, during a tantrum to be with a child is not to ignore, to voice his feelings, to hug and not to allow himself to be harmed. The figure of an adult is extraordinarily needed when a hysteria occurs. An adult allows the child to feel his boundaries, to be understood, accepted and heard, not to be alone with intolerable feelings. If the parents are flexible, stable, understand and accept the child's feelings, the tantrums will pass more easily or disappear altogether.