2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
In these harsh quarantine times, I still want to consider and discuss topics that the pandemic does not concern!) And one of my favorite topics is love and relationships! I have a whole series of articles on this topic. And today I'm starting.) I would be glad to hear your comments: interesting / not interesting now, what else I would like to read articles about.:) Let's get started …)
Some time ago, the myth of unconditional love was very popular. H'm. Probably for me some time ago, but now I have left such social circles and I rarely hear about it. But it is easy to find, for example, Vedicists who rub in (you cannot say in another way: /) this definition from time to time.
"What are we talking about today?" or PLAN ARTICLES:
- "Ideal" situation for unconditional love
- Condition for unconditional love
- Behind the roll of unconditional …
- Do you want unconditional?
- Unconditionality or excess
"PERFECT" SITUATION FOR UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
There is one situation where "unconditional love" can be closest to its realization: of course, I'm talking about love of a mother to a child. He can constantly cry and harm, but if he is desired and loved, then usually the mother cannot but love all the manifestations in him.
And I believe that this is the answer to the question about the targeting of this feeling! Those. this is the answer to the question "Who owns" this form of love - children
Do you know why unconditional love is by definition impossible permanently? At least because even with the ideal scenario of the most unconditional love from mother to child, SUCH FORM OF LOVE PASSES (although I do not think that it is generally 100% possible, but it is admissible).
And comes separation. Unconditional love is about the unseparatedness of the subject of such love, about his dependence, about the impossibility of this person to give us a healthy, equal love answer.
And besides, let's be honest, unconditional love consumes a lot of inner resources. That is why it is good if the mother can delegate the care of the child to someone else (father, grandmother, nanny, etc.) - otherwise the mother will simply “break down”, no matter how much she loves her child (!) …
CONDITION OF UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
Asking questions about love, I inevitably came across esoteric, religious, mythological ideas about it. It is among them that the idea of "unconditional love" is quite popular. But in practice I haven’t met her yet!
For the realization of unconditional love there is always a certain CONDITION - the person who realizes it!
And man is a living being … Living things always have 2 important properties: to excrete and to absorb. All the ideas of unconditional love rest on the same infinite "give", infinite "everything from oneself." And in practice, if a hungry person constantly feeds only the people around him, he will die. With love the same way.
As my colleague said: “If I have a lot of apples, and I give an apple to someone who needs it, this is the norm. And if I have one, and I give it away, this is not the norm."
In fact, the desire for unconditional love simply leads to codependency of people - a state of a couple, where both are greatly tormented, but cannot be without each other. But the motive is no longer just some kind of love … but directly unconditional.
In my experience, the relentless pursuit of unconditional love, rather, does not fill a person, but causes him a lot of suffering. Such people in their idea lose love real in front of them is a person with his characteristics, personality, pressing and real problems and difficulties.
BEHIND THE ROLE OF INSOLENCE …
Often among lovers of unconditional love you can find:
- a person subject to manipulation;
- manipulating;
- hypocritical;
- almost always passive-aggressive.
* Passive aggression - This is the suppression of their aggressive impulses with their subsequent "roundabout" exit. And such people act according to the following scenario: they do not directly inform what they do not like and what worries them, but provoke aggression in the interlocutor, themselves remaining "clean" (from aggression). And then they also blame that they are angry with them.
"Unconditional", as I call them, are often doomed to secondary (implicit) benefits (for example, self-affirmation). They can hide their arrogance: I am so BIG that I can feed the world with my unhindered love.
And even more often among them you can find those who are simply hungry for love themselves …
DO YOU WANT UNCONDITION?
Now think, would you like to "break" in a relationship with your beloved? To make him psychologically a toddler / toddler, or to "moan" himself? To "drag" the relationship on yourself until … until the baby grows up. If you don't grow up, you can live your whole life that way. And if he grows up, he will go his own way.
Therefore, I propose to think about the choice: unconditional maternal love or a mature equal partner?
UNCONDITION OR EXCESS
It is very important not to confuse “unconditional love” with excess! If I have an excess of money / energy / time, etc., and at the same time do not suffer myself, I can choose help others who need it. But here the rule is only in the same order as in airplanes with force majeure: "First, a mask for oneself - then for a child!" First, I must be full myself to take care of something else!
You should not show violence against yourself in order to make another pleasant … This destroys the person himself, and therefore the relationship from the inside. After all, who will continue to build them if you die (financially, morally, physically)?
Thank you for your attention to my thoughts! If you want to discuss your experience of love, then my psychotherapeutic doors are open. And also always glad to reposts and comments, thanks!:)
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