2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Quite often I see situations when an adult says that the elder should yield to the younger. And this can be said by both a parent and any person observing a situation when two children from the same family cannot share toys.
Let's think together what this might lead to.
In my opinion, if all the time the older child is encouraged to yield to the younger, then this suggests that the interests and desires of the older child should be ignored all the time and not taken into account. And then the older child learns that his desires and interests are not important. And only the interests and desires of others are important, in particular the youngest child.
In this, for me, there is neither justice, nor a balance in order to take into account the interests and desires of not only one person, but also other people.
I think that when an older child gives up his toys to a younger child all the time, he at the same time feels unimportant to parents and not loved by them. And this teaches him to push his desires and interests, not to notice them, not to learn to defend them, to defend them. And in the future, it will be easier for such a child to yield to others in everything than to talk about his desires and interests and defend them. At the same time, remain deeply dissatisfied and unhappy.
And the youngest child in such a situation feels his importance and the love of his parents. And he gets used to the fact that his desires and interests are important, and the interests and desires of another are not important. That everyone in everything should yield to him.
And this leads to the fact that the child sooner or later is faced with the fact that he does not know how to communicate with others, taking into account his own and the interests of other people. That he knows how to take into account only himself and his interests.
For both the older and the youngest child, this situation has unpleasant consequences.
What can you suggest instead?
It seems to me important to teach children to negotiate.
- Do you need this toy? But now Sasha is playing her. He will play. And then you can play with her.
- Sasha, Vasya also wants to play with this toy. Let's agree that you will play with it and let Sasha play?
Or offer them an exchange option.
- Sasha, Vasya now wants to play with this toy. Can you give it to him? Can you play this one instead of her?
But at the same time, do not insist that the older child must necessarily give the toy for exchange. It is important to leave the child the right to agree with such an exchange or not.
Or invite children to play with a toy together. Come up with a game in which they could play this toy together.
And then children learn to notice the interests and desires, both their own and that of another child. And this helps them to live in such a way that it would be good for oneself, and that it would also be good for a person nearby.
Psychologist, child psychologist Velmozhina Larisa.
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