2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
If you remember your first grade, when you were in school, in writing lessons, the teacher outlined the misspelled letters, hooks in the recipes with red paste, emphasizing all the incorrect spelling. You came home, and there your mother did the same thing - as the teacher said, she outlined mistakes with red paste. This focus on mistakes, even in such seemingly small things, has influenced our present life. We are used to focusing on our flaws. We can get stuck and stuck in this “wrong” thing we did, regardless of our successes.
Why is this happening? Let's go back to childhood. When you saw red ink in a notebook, you did not see correctly written letters behind it, but only mistakes, only gnarled, incorrect hooks, then “how NOT to do it”. Whether we like it or not, we subconsciously remember what is highlighted. Even if one of 30 letters is underlined in red.
If we move away from the example with notebooks and look at the process of upbringing in a more global sense, we will see that it is the voice of criticism and condemnation of parents that rings in our ears for many years, when both praise and good attitude are taken for granted. We are forced to pay attention to this, to doubt our successes, which no one paid attention to in childhood, but concentrated on mistakes. When we were told that we wouldn’t succeed, that we wouldn’t be able to, “we weren’t mature yet,” or they compared us to other children, we lost heart. And we transferred this behavior into adulthood in the form of self-doubt, intrapersonal conflicts, low self-esteem, and even psychosomatic diseases. What our attention is directed to is growing at an incredible speed. If we pay attention to mistakes at the age of 7, then at 20-30-40 such close attention will be paid to them even more.
If you are a parent, change the pen color to green. For what? To show your child the best and correct letters, so that he can see what he CAN, and he will strive for it more and more. You can even circle the best letter he gets. And see joy in the eyes of a child.
In the second case, with a "green" pen, we focus on what was done correctly and thereby form the child's correct self-esteem. As a result, we get a completely different perception of the situation, different emotions. The most important thing about this is that the child learns not to avoid failure, but strives to do well. This is where the formation of a success situation takes place.
By introducing the green pen principle into your life with your child, you allow him to develop, and even if you do not point out mistakes to him, they will go away by themselves, because the child, thanks to his internal motivation, wants to do everything well and even perfectly.
But do not forget that the "pen" is both an example and a metaphor in this article. If this principle is transferred to other aspects, the quality of your life and that of your child will improve every day. Pay attention in the child's drawings, in his games, his actions to what he is good at, what, for example, is beautifully drawn, neatly folded, tidied up.
Instead of: "There is still more to finish drawing - and it will be beautiful", say: "You have such a bright house!" or "I like in your drawing …"
Instead of: "It remains to pick up your pants and shirt from the floor and put them in the closet," say: "How nice to see the order in your room!" or "I love it when your room is clean."
Instead of: "There is still something left to wipe that you spilled," say: "You are good at helping."
If you don't have children, but focusing on the mistakes of the present prevents you from living, apply the Green Hand Principle to yourself. If you feel that you are starting to fixate on some kind of mistake, think about what you did right (for example, before), what you achieved, what helped you in this. Think about what you have ALREADY achieved, no matter if it was last week, a year ago, in the morning … This is a more useful and resourceful state that will help you not to get discouraged and think about your shortcomings.
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