Mom, Buy It

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I often see tantrums in children's stores for children who want to get one or another toy. The behavior of parents in these situations can be roughly reduced to two options:

- either the parent becomes ashamed of the behavior of his child, and he concedes to him in the purchase. This option can be called "What would the child not amuse himself, as long as it does not cry …". Unfortunately, this approach brings only temporary relief, and this manipulation is fixed in the child's memory: it is worth falling on the floor, roaring at the whole store and I will achieve what I need and my parents will buy it for me. The hysterics in this case becomes more and more. Spoiledness develops. Because any child will never have enough candy and toys. And if the parent gives him a ride in everything, the child will grow into a selfish adult who will not take into account the interests of other people. In addition, the child will not have a single dream, because he knows that as soon as he wants, his parents will buy it. A feeling of satiety comes …

- the second option boils down to the fact that the parent drops everything and begins to drag the screaming child out of the store without any explanation, gets annoyed at him along the way, yells, and can slap his butt. In this option, there is no acceptance of the child's feelings that he wants something. The child does not feel hysterically accepted, understood and does not feel loved.

While studying various forums and articles on this topic, I came across the fact that in each article or responses from users of different sites, advice is mainly given on the topic "what to do if the hysteria has already happened." And the options are basically the following: not paying attention, hugging the child to you, leaving the "hot conflict" (physically leaving the child's field of vision), switching his attention, trying to explain to him why we won't buy it. But these tips do not always work.

I offer you an approach that initially develops such behavior in a child that does not lead to tantrums. I have been successfully using this approach for several years with my son, so all the recommendations that I will give in this article are time-tested. So, what preventive measures need to be taken so that the child's pampering in relation to toys does not develop, and your trips to the store are not overshadowed by his behavior:

1. Introduce your child to the concepts of "expensive" and "cheap". This should be done before the first shopping trip. You can play the role-playing game "Shop", where the animals or the child himself acts first as a seller, and then as a buyer. Create situations when he will not always have enough money to buy, or his mother only has a salary tomorrow … or the bear forgot his wallet “by accident” at home, and therefore cannot buy the chosen toy. If we go to the store, and the child asks to buy him an expensive toy, and if he is familiar with the concept of "expensive", it is easier for him to survive the refusal.
2. Before going to the store, explain to your child how to behave in this place. You can not make noise, shout, so as not to interfere with other people to make purchases. You can tell in advance what you want to purchase. From experience I can say that this somehow calms the child, and he subsequently treats with understanding that something was not bought for him. For example, I say the following phrases: "Now we will go to the store and buy with you … If you want, we can take you juice or a chocolate bar" (I give you a choice). That is, I plan in advance what we can purchase, and the child no longer asks for another.
3. I also limit the budget in advance, for example, “today you and I have N rubles. What would you like to buy with them? " This develops the child's responsibility to manage money, does not lead to tantrums when he wants something else or more expensive.
4. Sometimes children ask for a toy to feel more loved or lack support. With every purchase, I tell my son why I buy him this or that thing, namely because I love him, and not because "I fulfill all his desires."
5. Sometimes we take some of our toys to the store. And the child does not always have a desire to request a new one.
6. If, nevertheless, my son asks for a toy, but I either do not have money, or he already has something similar, I stand my ground to the last, not changing my mind and not buying it. But even in this case, my child has every chance to be heard. In such cases, I take a piece of paper or notebook out of my bag and write down his desire with all the attention to the child. A list is formed from such desires, and from it you can then choose gifts for birthdays, New Years and other holidays.
7. There is another way I often use to prevent a child's tantrum. This is to give him what he wants in fantasy. “If I had a bag of money, I would buy you whatever you liked”, “If I were a sorceress, I would conjure this orange truck in your room right now …”, “If I had there was a magic wand, this Lego set at the same moment would be yours … ". The child heard that he was heard, accepted the situation. And then you can already connect logic and say that it is expensive, or we will definitely buy it next time (and be sure to keep our promise!).

Enjoy your joint shopping with your kids!