2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Often in my practice, I come across the fact that clients feel sorry for their offenders. Parents who were beaten and humiliated, loved ones and friends who betrayed their children, crossing the border of what is permitted
What gives us pity?
It seems to elevate us above other people. Pity gives us the right to be noble and just, gives us a sense of our own worth and uniqueness. It does not allow you to express all your anger and resentment, when there was something to be angry about and what to be offended at. After all, I am better, kinder, fairer than all those who hurt me, I will not sink to their level, I will be higher than them. I will again and again feel sorry for all those who turned their backs on me, and then lament how this world is not just.
Often due to the fact that in his soul he does not believe that he can be loved just like that. Since childhood, he was accustomed to being paid attention to him only in special cases, and these could be cases with a plus sign (excellent study) and with a minus sign (a fight at school).
To understand the difference between love and pity, I want to give a very simple example
Imagine a playground. Children play in the sandbox and one of them comes up and wants to show their mother his beautiful Easter cake. But mom is busy talking with another mom and does not pay attention to the baby. This happens more than once. And so the child fell down and began to cry. Mom immediately runs up and begins to feel sorry for the baby. As a result, the child learns that attention is paid to him only when something happens, and just like that he is not interesting and not important. The kid begins to think that pity is equal to love and it must be deserved with your behavior and actions. The child unconsciously begins to simulate situations in order to earn this pseudo-love. And here all sorts of ways come into play.
And after all, in fact - pity must be earned, but love just like that. And each of us is worthy of love not for something, but already by the fact of his birth.
But such a substitution of love for pity is very common in our society and at the same time is very dangerous and carries dire consequences.
We pity those who feel bad, who have problems and troubles. We are trying to help, support a person in difficult times. At the same time, if a person is doing well, then our attention is scattered, we do not get involved in the conversation. And it turns out that we are ready to share the problems, i.e. regret, but are not ready to rejoice in the good just like that. We just do not know how to love, because no one taught us this.
But love can be learned, you can allow yourself to love and be loved, you can begin to accept love in the form in which you need it.
And for this you need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and others and allow yourself to receive love just like that. After all, the Universe is huge and there is infinitely much of this love in it.
And if you go for it movement of love, then you can get closer to yourself, to your own life path, to your uniqueness and originality.
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