Love Out Of Pity

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

When I was still a schoolgirl, I used to come home to my teacher just to talk "for life." About love and family, somehow I didn't really want to talk with my mother, because at that time, at my fifteen years old, I was deeply disappointed by her and my father's ability to love and be in relationships with each other and with children, but the teacher's family seemed to me just perfect.

I asked my teacher, "What is love?"

She replied: "Yulia (that is how she affectionately called me at that time), for a long time I could not understand myself, but eventually I understood."

I froze in anticipation of hearing her revelation and taking on board the secret of love that my teacher was going to reveal to me. And suddenly I heard:

“I realized that I love my husband because I feel sorry for him. If you feel sorry, then it is love."

"Wow discovery!" - I thought and decided to follow this course - "Love, this is when it's a pity!"

As you can imagine, this belief did not lead me to happiness in my family life, but, on the contrary, put me dead end after dead end. And in these dead ends - I, pitying the peasants and shedding tears of resentment and despair, and they are peasants, completely ruthless and cruel to me.

How did she, my teacher, manage to build such an ideal family on love-pity? I asked myself this question many times and did not find the answer.

The answer came on its own, exactly ten years after our conversation with her. The teacher died of breast cancer, and her husband a month later became friends with another woman and began to live with her as with his wife. Poor, poor teacher of mine, how wrong you were, and how wrong I was later, pitying those whom I loved. How many times I tried to leave, but … "How can he be lost without me, after all …" and year after year I sacrificed my life and health, which nobody really needed, because I disappeared itself.

Later, in my psychologist's office, I was already listening to my unfortunate clients: "How can I leave him, he disappears, hangs, drinks … I will hurt him if I leave him, if I refuse him soup, sex, in …" - the list before infinity - "How can I hurt him if I say that I have my personal boundaries and, in general, I do not want three children, but I want only one or do not want to have them at all, but I want to draw pictures and travel around Tibet" …

And thoughts flashed through my head: "How, how can I leave him, because I am so afraid of being abandoned myself, I will completely disappear without him."

How sometimes our unconscious masterfully deceives us!

A chip of sacrificial love for a man, for a child, for a mother and a father has been implanted into the brain of a woman by generations of ancestors … And this sacrifice-love, in fact, is not any love, and even close with love “did not lie about”. So what is it? What kind of sacrifice virus affects the psyche of many generations of women?

In fact, this is fear, an unconscious fear of losing a man, without which a woman feels inferior, defective in some way. Again, the fear of losing a man, implanted in the brain for centuries, due to wars, partly and the loss of husbands and sons, and partly due to the infantility and immaturity of the female psyche.

And the fear of loss always leads to loss and, first of all, to the loss of oneself in a relationship.

A woman becomes a victim - a man feels guilty before her because of her sacrifice, since the victim directly or indirectly demonstrates his suffering to her husband, he feels strong guilt for not being able to make her happy, and she did so much for him, donated so much.

And here a woman has all the levers of control over a man: where will he go now, guilty like that. With her heroic love-sacrifice, she de-energizes him, he is in the bonds of guilt, she now understands that “dear boy” has been caught and will not go anywhere.

But here is another "ambush" of such relations: "Where does sex go, to what cities, and where can we find a means to get there again?" And he leaves to the left. Or prostate adenoma, cysts, oncological diseases of the genitals and breasts, alcohol, depression, mistresses, preferably younger and more stupid.. Because the victim-wife disgusts just as much as the guilty man disgusts.

Question to the "stronger sex": And where do you get so much guilt towards the female sex that you are so easy to manipulate on this? Don't you guess? Who is the very first woman of your life who gave you with her reproaches, discontent, offenses - this Great gift - Wine? With this legacy, you will definitely find someone who will continue this sacred work of manipulating wine, instead of your mother, whom you love so much and dare not say a word to her, so as not to choke on wine (or wine).

Got it!

Conclusion:

People sometimes play very dangerous games that their subconscious mind offers them. Expand your awareness and start doing it as early as possible. Because the older you are, the stronger your psychological defenses against the development of awareness. Because the development of awareness is often associated with pain. But remember that pain is a symptom of growth.

With love, Yulia Latunenko.