Pity Without Love

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Not so long ago, my colleagues and I argued out of pity, love, sympathy. It was said that pity humiliates, deprives a person of responsibility. That pity is not compassion.

I have my own opinion on this issue. And I want to share with you

In the Ozhegov dictionary pity the following definition is given: compassion, condolences.

Is this a bad feeling towards another person? In my opinion, no. A person has the right to compassion and condolences.

In ancient Russia, the word pity was synonymous with love. And, by the way, in explanatory dictionaries, if you open the word "regret", you will find the fourth meaning - to love.

Do you remember with what feeling Lyudmila Zykina sang “A woman will say“I’m sorry for you”?

And the beautiful verse of Irina Snegova "Love":

We say that they say he loves and very much,

Like, he pampers, cares for, jealous, cherishes.

And I remember, my neighbor is an old woman, in short, As in the old days in the villages she said: she regrets.

And often, tightening the handkerchief tighter, And in the evening in the kitchen, sitting down to warm up, She remembered her husband's shoemaker, Who couldn't get enough of her.

He will go from a young age, I remember, to the city, you look - it is already flying, but with what a half-hawk!

And you ask, why did you manage soon?

He won't say, but I know: he feels sorry for me …

In the winter, my master sways, it happened

And I'll go to bed, I'm a craftswoman to sleep, He'll get up, straighten the covers on me

So much so that the floorboard does not creak at the feet.

And he will sit by the fire in his close corner,

The block will not hit, the nail will not tinkle, May God grant him rest in the kingdom of heaven, And she sighed softly: he pitied me very much.

At that time, it all seemed funny to me, It seemed that love, the stronger, the angrier, Tragedies, storms … what a pity!

But youth is gone. That we are quarreling with her.

Recently, sick with chilly insomnia, I met your gaze - the alarm in it froze, And suddenly I remembered that old grandmother, How true she spoke of love

So why do people say that pity is offensive?

I have come to the conclusion that pity becomes offensive when it is not a form of love and respect. Yes, in distant contacts, talking about love is too loud, perhaps, but about respect for the fact that there is a person next to you, it is quite possible.

Listening to the song performed by Lyudmila Zykina, you hear about how Russian women love their husbands with all their hearts and therefore feel sorry for them. The poem by Irina Snegova shows the care of a loving man and the desire that his other half was good. There is no pathos, humiliation, desire to rise. And a lot of love, compassion, joy when a loved one feels good and grief when it is bad.

But when pity loses its core: love and respect, it becomes a mockery for the other person to whom it is addressed.

And why, in such cases, does a person show pity? Why does he need it?

There are several reasons and often they are not recognized by the person himself:

I must be good in my own eyes and others, be a Christian, decent. Therefore, I can not stand it, but I will show how I am higher than this; Children, wives, husbands have to take care of sick parents and spouses. For some reason, there is no love or is deeply blocked, but a sense of duty and compassion, human qualities say that this should be done. The case when, after all, it is better to fulfill your duty than to leave a loved one in trouble; A person through pity can show that he is higher than the person he is helping, and let him feel it, feel the difference. It happens that this situation can take directly sadistic forms: look how good everything is with me and what kind of shit you are in. Look and envy; Developed in the one who shows pity, parenting function. To take an unreasonable child into upbringing, into custody and control our relationship on the basis of a mother-baby; Feeling of guilt: "I feel that I do not love him and I want to buy something off so as not to feel guilty."

And, of course, such pity is humiliating. A person begins to feel miserable, worthless, pitiful and he wants to isolate himself from SUCH pity in order to feel like a HUMAN, and not a homeless kitten. As if his personality had already been buried, they put a cross and they are trying to do something for his shell. And no one agrees to be a shell.

Author: Tankova Oksana Vladimirovna