2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
I learned to swim at the age of 5 in kindergarten. At school, she continued to develop her skills, with pleasure attending swimming lessons. For a time I was the best swimmer in my class, with the exception of one boy who dashingly cut through the blue water of the pool in a butterfly style.
Once, a competition was held - a 100-meter breaststroke swim. I and two more girls stood on the pedestals and prepared for the start. At that moment the thought struck me - "What if one of the girls swims better than me?" I started to worry. It began with the fact that I jumped high from the pedestal and went too submerged, losing a few seconds.
Having swam out, I started rowing with my hands all the way. Thoughts-comparisons were not released. At some points, instead of focusing on breaststroke, I watched where other girls were swimming. As a result, I sailed second and with my head bowed I trudged into the shower.
Why is comparing yourself to others unproductive?
Having started the comparison, a person already recognizes a deficit, a certain disadvantage. Why else look away? It is difficult to create something from this deficit. A person cannot fully open himself, as if "clipping his wings."
The opposite is the artist Maud Lewis, who was born almost without a chin after suffering from arthritis in early childhood, which twisted her arms. After marrying a fishmonger, she began to draw small pictures that resembled children's drawings.
She initially distributed these drawings to fish customers free of charge. A neighbor told her husband Everett, not understanding the popularity of the cards:
- My child would draw better!
- Well, I didn’t draw it. Moron. - defended his wife Everett.
Maud drew with delight, without comparing herself with anyone, becoming a world-famous artist.
2. Comparing, a person concentrates on the other and is not able to fully realize himself. The center of gravity is shifted from oneself to another, giving it greater value, and the person himself becomes unstable.
The pleasure of doing something is lost. Energy that could have been directed towards solving the problem is leaving. As it happened with me when I swam and looked at another girl. It is physiologically difficult for the brain to perform several tasks. And the brain chooses to keep the energy in comparison rather than in what the body is doing.
3. There is a saying "The neighbor's chicken looks like a goose." When a person compares himself, the idealization-devaluation mechanism can be triggered. In which it seems to the other that everything is better, and what a person has is reduced to small.
4. Comparison is capable of grasping with tentacles areas that were not initially compared and draw warped conclusions:
- Masha cooks better. And in general she is prettier than me. So I'm worthless.
In comparison, the evaluation is started as better or worse. But the scale of this assessment is unknown, with a wide range - what does it mean tastier, what does it mean better? When there is no certainty, the represented ideal always wins and own stocks go down.
Internal inflation arises. I'm not enough, I'm bad.
Because a person loses not to Masha, but to his own ideal - what he should be in comparison with Masha.
5. There is no direct communication, but through some places. Chaos in experiences.
If a person sees that a neighbor has a goose, you can show interest and curiosity, ask how it turned out to make a goose out of a chicken. Or get annoyed, or maybe get angry that the neighbor succeeded, but he did not. These are direct experiences.
Instead of direct emotions leading to a specific action, a person is bogged down in comparisons.
6. In addition, it is not known what price the other paid to be "the best." Maybe a person, having learned its real value, never paid like that.
Soviet gymnast Elena Mukhina was left without a mother at 2 years old. She was raised by her grandmother. Elena became the world champion in France in 1978. With several severe injuries, coach Klimenko came and took her from the hospital for training, expressing dissatisfaction and rudeness. After one of the workouts, Elena was paralyzed.
When a person compares, it is necessary to cope with oneself - am I ready to invest, instead of possibly close relationships, pleasures, etc., as much energy in such a matter?
7. Bill Gates said: "Do not compare yourself to anyone, it is offensive to you in the first place." Imagine a mother, would she compare her child with other children? If so, it is toxic.
When a person constantly compares himself, he lacks self-support, self-love. Feelings of a good mother, who cannot compare him, considering him unique. Otherwise, the person becomes toxic to himself.
8. In comparison, there is a fear of inappropriateness. As with any other fear, our brain reacts with ancient reactions: "Hit, freeze, run." It will be bad if a person needs vigorous activity or writing important documents, and the brain gives a signal to “freeze”.
9. Comparing, we never have complete information. The incomparable always eludes us, we dream up many facts. Therefore, the comparison is always imprecise. This is an illusion.
It turns out that comparison is toxic communication, and by comparing we poison ourselves. Don't waste energy on comparisons, but invest in achieving your goals!
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