2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
More and more often I hear from my friends this cherished phrase: I do not know how to rest. And I ask myself a logical question: what about me? Do I know how to accumulate strength? Do I manage to spend my free time so that I can fully recover by the next "Monday"? Do I feel refreshed on a weekend evening
Alas, my answer is more no than yes. I don't know how to rest. My story is not much different from many similar stories. Morning bustle, commuting to work in a crowded subway car, taking notes between consultations, chatting with colleagues, running current affairs, the subway again, everyone is running, and I run, run, run, dinner, household chores, the Internet or a book, thoughts: "you need to write to the group", "a client came today, maybe next time try this with her", "so what do I have for tomorrow?" there are so many meetings in the week! " and so on until the life-saving immersion in sleep.
And in the morning all over again. Several years ago I began to notice that weekends are not much different from working days. Scheduled meetings, calls, cases, and even if all this is not there, then this damn "thought mixer" still works in my head.
Even not so, it is more like a pot from a fairy tale, which, without stopping, cooks porridge and can flood the whole world with it, if it is not stopped. Alas, the spell that gives deliverance is not always possible to remember and a viscous mess of thoughts and worries fills my world.
Well, it seems that again we get a post about the notorious "here and now"!:)
It is banal, but true, most often we are not present in the real world around us, and not in our inner feeling of life at the moment, we live as if flipping through a book up and down, for some reason every time skipping the very page we stopped on.
Whitaker writes about this: "… an insurmountable difficulty, against which each of us is fighting, is the fragmentation of human life: either we are intensely thinking about the nightmares and successes of the past, or we are preoccupied with the nightmares and successes of the future. And we do not live, but simply with the help of the left hemisphere of the brain we endlessly think about life".
Moreover, it seems to me that our thoughts "about nightmares and good luck" are not entirely balanced - much more often it is nightmares that possess us. And the truth is, what to think about good things will happen - I will be glad, but about bad things - yes!
You need to predict the bad, prevent it, prepare yourself for it, think over behavioral strategies aimed at minimizing its consequences. Inside ourselves, we solve issues, set tasks, act out scenarios, conduct dialogues that have nothing to do with our now.
The worst thing is that many of us think about the "bad", even at a time when in fact, right here and now, something very good is happening. When we gain, we think about the loss, while progressing, we are afraid of regression, while resting, we mentally stay at work. Thus, we ourselves deprive ourselves of the vital energy that we could receive. I hear this a lot from clients.
And about endless running, and about endless anxiety, and about this eternal fatigue, concern, employment.
And when to rest? Or not, how can you rest if your mental porridge has no end? And all of it seems vital, of great importance to us. This is the trap - we perceive both the pot and the porridge as integral parts of our personality, helping us to survive, not noticing how we rush past life at great speed.
Charles Tart calls this phenomenon the coordinated trance or sleep of everyday life, he writes: “The coordinated trance is associated with the loss of most of our inherent vitality. It is (too much) a state of suspended activity and inability to fully function, a kind of numbness or stupor. It is also a state of deep distraction, a tremendous departure from immediate sensory-instinctive reality to abstract representations of reality."
So what does it take to finally wake up, to finally stop and rest? For some people, this happens spontaneously, under the influence of an event that causes a powerful emotional experience.
Whitaker speaks of this as an "existential leap into the now." Another method I know of is personal therapy, the events of which take place right here and now, even if we are talking about the past or touching the future. In therapy, we really get in touch with ourselves and the other (the therapist) in the present moment, and this makes it possible to stop, hear ourselves, feel ourselves in the world, truly be.
Sometimes it's exciting and exciting, sometimes it's damn scary, sometimes it's embarrassing and embarrassing, but I never regret these moments, because I am confident in my existence and my authenticity in each of them.
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