2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Each of us has had negative situations in our lives. And under these situations, some feelings are lived. Have you noticed that feelings are repeated?
It seems that the person was different, and time passed, and you had to change. But the feelings experienced remained the same. This situation can apply to both personal relationships and workers.
How does this happen?
Every child under the age of 7 suffers a childhood injury. Living through the pain of this trauma, the child learns to defend himself and puts on a mask. Under this mask, he ceases to be himself. He learned a certain behavior in this situation.
So what is childhood trauma?
This is a very strong emotional pain that a child experiences in situations when his inner need is not satisfied. This is the state that the child lives alone. And in order not to experience this pain again and again, the child begins to learn to react in a certain way to the situation, to do something or not to do something, to forbid himself to do something.
There are 5 basic injuries:
1 the trauma of the rejected
2. Trauma of the abandoned.
3. Trauma of the humiliated.
4. The trauma of betrayal.
5. The trauma of injustice.
For each injury, the child learns and puts on certain masks.
The mask is a defense mechanism, which starts in childhood and helps to avoid suffering, intense pain and disappointment. It helps the child to adjust and to numb emotional unconscious pain. This is a subpersonality that prevents the child from opening up and being himself. We learn such behavior in childhood, get used to it, and in adult life we unconsciously lose again and again.
You can ask the question: "Why then take off the mask? After all, it protects the human psyche?"
On the one hand, the mask protects the child from anxiety and pain. On the other hand, the mask takes the child further and further away from himself, does not allow the manifestation of true desires.
Every person has masks. There are no people who, in negative situations, would not show emotions in any way. There are people who have learned not to show their feelings.
There are statistics in psychology that say that we are aware of what is happening in our life by only 10%. Everything else happens unconsciously.
And if we do not think about the fact that the same pain is being experienced, that the situation repeats itself over and over again, then we will continue to attract the same people into our lives and create the same situations. These situations accumulate and heap heavy burdens, leaving a negative imprint. A person begins to get tired, lose energy and resources.
When the realization comes that a problem exists, then we need to look for its roots that triggered this reaction.
We have learned the reasons for the appearance of "masks" in our lives, and will also consider each of them in subsequent articles.
The MASK The delight begins. Run away from yourself
We have already dealt with the concept of "childhood trauma" in the previous article and that this is a very strong emotional pain that a child experiences in situations when his inner need is not satisfied. This is the state that the child lives alone. And behind each injury there is a certain mask behind which the child hides.
Today we will consider trauma rejected and masked "fugitive".
This trauma awakens from the moment of conception until the first year of a child's life.
All children want them to be wanted and loved. So that the parents, by their actions and words, show him that they were waiting for him and are glad to see him.
But sometimes a child realizes that his birth does not bring joy. It could be an unplanned child. Or they were waiting for a boy, but a girl was born. Or he doesn't look like mom or dad at all. And then the baby reads the behavior and emotions of the parents. And he does not feel his worth and comes to the conclusion that he has no right to life.
And as a result, the child does not consider himself necessary and important in this world and for his parents. He has the feeling that he does not know what he needs to be.
Such a child does not feel like a full-fledged member of the family. He feels redundant and annoying to everyone. Such children often run away from home. Their main purpose is to check whether someone needs me and whether they will be looking for me. Internally, they are very lonely.
In adulthood, "fugitives" have very low self-esteem. They believe that nothing would change in the world if they did not exist at all.
In a team, such people are invisible, they try to stay on the sidelines. Black color predominates in clothes, so as not to stand out and not focus the attention of others on oneself.
Living with fears that are very difficult for them to cope with is their lot. They often become addicted to drugs, alcohol, sects. This saves them from experiencing negative feelings that they cannot cope with.
They perceive all the positive moments in their life as a temporary phenomenon and are convinced that everything will return. to the previous unnecessary state.
"Runaways" can leave and return without explanation or apparent reason. At the same time, they themselves cannot explain why this is happening.
Outwardly, such people are often small, thin, clothes do not match the size, running eyes, weak voice, indistinct and confused thoughts.
In their vocabulary, they often use words "nobody", "nothing", "disappear", "no place".
But on the other hand, they want to be accepted, they want to be a part of society. But by their behavior, they do not allow the collective to accept them. They cannot build constructive communication, they cannot attract attention and interest.
Do you recognize yourself under this mask? Or someone from your inner circle?
Want to know more or make a difference? Then sign up for my personal coaching or come to my author's program "The Art of Appreciating Yourself", and we will do it together.
With love and care
Olga Salodkaya
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