Old Pain And Dead Invulnerability

Video: Old Pain And Dead Invulnerability

Video: Old Pain And Dead Invulnerability
Video: EVERY DEATH in Invincible 2024, March
Old Pain And Dead Invulnerability
Old Pain And Dead Invulnerability
Anonim

A child I know has a jar of rubber balls. Such small colorful balls that cost a nickle and are sold in funny machines that come across here and there on the way in shopping centers. A full can of bouncing little balls, as if trembling with impatience and wanting to jump out as soon as possible and start jumping around the room.

My friend, a child, got balls in the clinic, where he often visited and where there was also such an automatic machine. The child's mother bought him a ball every time, believing that this would somehow distract him from the pain that he had to endure in the treatment room, where a big aunt in a white coat gave him injections.

My friend's child did not like injections very much. Straight VERY. And who loves them?

And now, being on the couch and placing a soft place under the sharp needle of a syringe, the child squeezed a multi-colored ball in his fist and stared at it with all his might, as if wanting to discern the rubber molecules that it consists of. This helped the child get through the pain.

However, he did not play with balls. I just put them in a large transparent jar and never touched them again.

I got curious and I asked:

- Why is this so?

In response, the child pursed his lips and said:

- It's just that they all darkened from my sadness and I no longer want to touch them.

- Darkened? - I was surprised, looking at the colorful and bright balls.

For me they were all equally bright and colorful.

- Everything, everything !? - I asked carefully.

“There are several,” he admitted, deciding to be objective. “They bought me while walking to an amusement park or circus. They are very bright and beautiful, but it is impossible to reach them, they are at the very bottom of the can and in order to get them you have to come into contact with dark balls, which still smell like a hospital.

- Why do you keep them?

“I can't just throw them away … After all, they were with me when I was in pain. Throwing them away is like parting with a piece of yourself …

“Yes,” I agreed. - You cannot throw them away.

We fell silent, reflecting on this difficult task.

- Maybe if you release them, they can restore their brightness? - I suggested.

“I'm scared,” the child admitted. - What if I can't stand their sadness?

There was a lot of piercing bitterness in his words and it was difficult for me to contain my sadness. Once upon a time in me, as in this transparent jar, there were a lot of dark, pain-poisoned memories.

- Let's release them one at a time. I suggested softly. - I'll be with you.

- Let's. The child replied decisively and took my hand.

When we released the first ball, and then the second and third, he cried, but when he saw that the balls were gradually recovering their natural jumping ability, they jump on the floor and bounce off the walls, shimmering with colorful sides, at first slowly and timidly, and then more and more confidently, he smiled …

- It turns out that sadness is never endless! - he quietly shared his discovery with me.

- Yes you are right. - I responded, amazed at his profound wisdom.

This child I know was 24 years old. But what does it matter if inside each of us lives a thin and vulnerable part, originally from childhood. And each of us has memories inside that are filled with pain and sadness. And until we let this sadness come out, it is difficult for us to see the colorful and joyful sides of our life.

Suppressed and repressed sadness can and does make us strong and resilient in the eyes of others (and our own). However, along with this mask of invulnerability, we acquire hard armor, inside which it is cold, damp and dark and through the border of which it becomes impossible to reach a tender blade of grass, smell the morning, feel what life is. Through this armor, sunlight and someone's loving smile cannot break through to us. Is this calm and dead loneliness worth the invulnerability, the price we pay for it?

Recommended: