2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
What is a life scenario
A life scenario is an unconscious life plan that is drawn up in early childhood under the influence of parents and has a huge impact on our destiny. The script determines how many years we will live and how well, with pleasure or with longing, how many marriages we will have, how many children and even how much money we will allow ourselves to earn.
Scripts were discovered by the American psychologist Eric Berne half a century ago. He described them in his book People Who Play Games and others. But even if we have not read psychological literature, we intuitively feel the influence of the script on our lives and the lives of our friends. This is expressed in conversations such as ^ "So I was brought up", "What will come of her now?" The psychologist's clients often say ^ "I don't want to be like my mother, but I understand that I am doing the same."
When we know a person long enough, we can intuitively and fairly accurately predict his (her) behavior. We know what to expect, we understand the rules by which this person lives. The set of these rules determines behavior, and hence the result that a person will achieve.
What rules are there?
1. Prohibitions (you cannot do this)
Do not take someone else's. Do not brag. Do not be silent. Don't have your opinion. Don't fight. Don't be a freak.
Don't get married. Don't give birth to children. Do not cheat the elders. Do not Cry.
Do not get mad. Don't make money. Don't ask for help. Don't trust people …
Some of these prohibitions are quite logical and justified, while some interfere with our life and should be rewritten.
2. Prescriptions (must think / do this)
Brush your teeth every day. Wash your hands before eating. Work hard.
Scold yourself for mistakes. You should be ashamed of sex. You have to give birth to 2 children.
You must become a surgeon like your father. Guys are goats.
You are a winner / loser. The world is good / bad. Etc.
As you can see from the list, prescriptions can also be good and bad for us.
3. Permissions (so you can)
You can enjoy life. You can be sad. You can love.
You can show yourself. You can have your own opinion.
You can disagree. You can forgive yourself for your mistakes. You can change your mind …
Permissions are very important rules. They support and help to live and develop.
4. Permissions with condition (you can, if)
You will have your opinion when you start living alone. First the candidate, then the children. You can live for yourself when you retire.
You can not go to work only if you are sick. You can marry whoever you want, but only the second time.
You can enter the university at will, but only the second time.
Such "permissions" are inherently prohibitions, since without fulfilling the conditions one cannot live in one's own way.
Obviously, we take the rules from the parental family. And it is not so important what the parents said, how important it is what the parents did. The child acts in adulthood as the parents did. Treats himself the way his parents treated him.
Example # 1 The parent says to the child: never smoke! (and smokes at the same time
The child's decision: I will smoke, and I will say to my children “do not smoke”.
The child grows up and comes to a psychologist with a problem: with my brains I understand that it is necessary to quit smoking, that it is harmful, but I cannot.
Example No. 2 Parent: Punishes whining.
The child's decisions: you need to avoid tears, you cannot cry. If I feel like crying, something is wrong with me. The world is divided into the strong and the weak, and the strong punish the weak. Tears are weakness and the weak will be punished. You can't even ask for help from loved ones, I must always cope on my own.
The child grows up and comes to a psychologist with problems:
- it pisses me off when my child throws tantrums,
- I feel lonely,
- I've always been strong, and now I'm depressed, I don't know why.
Example # 3 Parent: Don't be an upstart!
Child's decision: I will not lean out.
The child grows up and comes to a psychologist with problems:
- I can't ask for a raise
- I can't start my own business,
- I opened my own business, but for some reason I don’t do it, I don’t advertise it or promote it.
The list of examples is endless. The set of rules we received from our parents in childhood governs our lives until we rewrite these rules. Adults can rewrite the rules they get from their parents.
How to rewrite internal rules?
Usually we do not realize by what rules we live. We are so accustomed to them that we do not notice in the same way as we do not notice clothes until they begin to interfere. In order to identify and formulate the rules, a psychologist is needed.
For example, there are people who forbid themselves to show irritation, endure to the last. But then they give out to others all the accumulated charge of anger at once for an insignificant reason. Such a person will come to a psychologist with the task of coping with irritability.
But how can he understand that irritation accumulates due to the fact that he forbids himself to throw it out in time? In time it will be dosed, consciously, non-offensive. And when the anger accumulates, it will "break" uncontrollably. In such a situation, it is difficult for a person to understand that he is forbidding himself to be angry. It is difficult precisely because he considers himself excessively irritable. The task of the psychologist is to explain this mechanism and teach a person to notice irritation at an early stage, before it blows the roof off.
The psychologist helps:
1. Become aware of the rules that govern our lives, 2. Formulate them in words, 3. Rewrite harmful rules, turn them into helpful ones.
And then the problem is solved, and the life scenario becomes more pleasant.
In example # 3, the helping rules could be:
You can not be like everyone else and enjoy it,
You can brag and enjoy it
It is good and correct to advertise yourself and your business.
With such convictions inside, it is much easier to carry out your life tasks.
Without knowing it, we live in a programmed way. We live according to the rules that our parents laid in us. Some rules help us and suit us perfectly. And the attitudes that prevent us from living, we are able to rewrite with the help of a psychologist. It is good and correct to rewrite your attitudes and make your life better.
Make your life better!
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