2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
It often happens that we experience tension in a conversation with a partner, children, friends, colleagues. When it is difficult to say what worries, to express your disagreement, the fear of stirring up another scandal, not being heard, is held back. Often everything is hushed up and hides in a long box called - "somehow later", but emotions continue to conduct their dialogue inside.
And it happens, without a scandal, it is impossible to convey your thoughts, desires, your point of view, because otherwise you will not be heard.
I understand all this well, because I went through something like that! 😉
And today I will share a wonderful technique that I offer to my clients during consultations, which I use in my daily life myself.
It helps to come to a constructive resolution of various issues, mutual understanding in any relationship.
This is the “I-message” technique and there is a universal rule in it - to talk about your feelings, without pretensions and demands!
It is important to start a conversation with what exactly upsets you, what is unpleasant for you. Express exactly what you feel in a given situation.
For instance:
✔ you offend me "replace with -" I feel offended "," I am not pleased ";
✔ "you're late again" or "why are you late?" - “I worry when you are late”;
✔ “don’t shout at me” - “it’s unpleasant for me, it hurts me a lot when you / you raise / those voice”;
✔ "again you scattered toys all over the house" - "I'm angry, it annoys me when the toys are not removed."
Do you feel the difference, where the first phrase immediately sounds like an accusation? And, of course, it will provoke a response.
The basic principle of this technique is as follows:
1. Feeling.
2. Fact.
3. Desire.
4. Consequence.
Here's how it is in the following example:
“I'm worried when you're late. It would be nice for me to meet on time, and then our relationship will be warmer."
In this way, you can express any of your feelings, because accumulating and holding them is dangerous to health, but this is a topic for another article.
As a result, instead of regular accusations and quarrels - a sincere manifestation of their feelings in a constructive dialogue. What helps to get closer, trust and respect each other!
With love❤ Irina Gnelitskaya
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