2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
You have the right to be / exist.
You are welcome here on this earth.
I feel you and stay here with you.
You have the right to contact.
I love you.
I am attentive to expressing your feelings.
This is rights, which the child appropriates / does not acquire, passing through such a stage of development as structure of Existence, which are directly reflected in his later life and the formation of subsequent character structures.
Are these messages familiar to you? How often did you hear them from your parents as a child? Did you feel safe, did you feel needed, did you feel your place and yourself?
Often, for some reason, we cannot appropriate ourselves the right to be, the right to contact, need, love, desire, and we continue to look for ourselves and our place, seek security, love and not receive them.
Do you feel loved and accepted just because you exist? Or do you continue to prove your worth to others, or run away from contacts?
The child acquires the experience of existence and acceptance while still in the womb, and then after birth with the help of the mother, family and the world as a whole. The feeling of being wanted, accepted, loved, having a place and being safe penetrates deeply inside the child and sweeps through his life. From this, he forms the basic concept of himself and his attitude to the world.
It is important for the child to feel secure, physically, emotionally and mentally. If during the first months of pregnancy everything went well for the child, then he feels that the world is waiting for him, that he is needed and desired, and then he feels and arrogates to himself his RIGHT TO BE in this world. Feels loved and accepted just because he exists, which leads to the formation healthy position in the sense of oneself and the world.
However, if during the first months of pregnancy the child experiences emotional or physical trauma (when something happens to the mother on a physical or emotional level), then the child acquires a feeling of rejection, the traumatic event is experienced as a threat to life, and therefore leads to a feeling of complete insecurity life, distrust of the stability of reality. At the same time, he has a question: "Do I have the right to live?"
In the future, the child begins to form a mental position or emotional position.
Mental position (early) formed by the transfer of energy from the body to the head. This helps him to reduce and cope with feelings of anxiety, pain and despair, but he pays for this by running away from contact with his mother, other people, and then the world in general. In the adult world, this child is faced with such experiences as unwillingness, dislike, uselessness in this world. The world is unsafe, inhospitable. Growing up, he does not live a full life, deprives himself of emotional involvement in life and chooses the world of reason. This is a choice in favor of "leaving" life.
Emotional position (late) is formed by the transfer of energy from the head to the body, when the child clings to relationships, is immersed in emotions, is maximally included in the world, as if trying to make sure of his existence and the existence of the world. Energy seems to go out of the head and this leads to difficulty in thinking clearly in stressful situations and relationships. In contrast to the mental position, the "I" is felt in the body and the desire for contacts. In adulthood, this translates into an emotionally dependent relationship. This is a choice in favor of active flight into life.
These positions, developed in Bodynamic analysis (L. Marcher, E. Jarlnes), refer to the early stage of child development - the Structure of Existence, and are manifested at the break, the so-called mutual connection, when the child faces a dilemma: to give up an impulse, resource, relationship to maintain contact with yourself (early position), or to give up contact with yourself in order to maintain momentum and relationship (late position). It is a reflection of the way the child tries to keep in touch with himself and others.
Recommended:
How The Depressive Character Was Formed
How did the depressive character develop, how did this eternally guilty and constantly sad person become like this? If you are interested in this topic, somehow resonates in you, I invite you to talk about it in this article. As Freud once assumed, and then all subsequent psychologists who studied this topic, a depressive character is a consequence of the fact that the child was frustrated too early and he did not yet have the resources to adapt to the new situation.
HOW THE PARENTAL PROGRAMS ARE FORMED
Goats and men Let's say there is a woman with a generic program of disrespect for men. Even contempt or hatred. They say, they are all horned animals. Where does such a program come from? Mom thinks so, dad behaves like that next to her - and mom shows and explains this to her daughter.
How The Schizoid Was Formed
Who is a schizoid and how is a schizoid character formed? It doesn't really have much to do with schizophrenia. If a person is a schizoid, it is not a fact that he will necessarily become a schizophrenic. Schizoids are often very highly organized and their psyche is at a healthy level of development.
What Is Right And Why Does It Make Right So Bad? Burnout - What To Do About It?
In the internet, so much is written as correctly. How to eat right, the right daily routine, how to live, breathe, walk, fart. How to be in a relationship correctly, with whom to be and with whom not to be. If you left, then let go. If married, then not love.
How A Codependent Family Is Formed
Parents who have not gone through their own psychological birth create a codependent structure out of their family. A codependent structure is a symbiotic type of structure: entangled, because in it each person is in a codependent relationship with other family members.
