2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
It happens that you seem to understand that you want to part with a person, you see perfectly well what exactly does not suit you in a relationship with him, you do not see a future with a person. You realize your unpleasant feelings about this, for example, sadness, bitterness, disappointment, but nevertheless, you still remain in the relationship. I can't get out of them.
Or it can be a swing, when they just parted, said goodbye, and then you realize that you are covering with some unknown wave of feelings and you want to return to a relationship again. Again you converge, again you focus on what does not suit you and again you want to leave. The point cannot be put in any way.
This happens if a person is poorly aware of why he still chooses this relationship. If you are poorly aware of the value of these relationships for yourself. What is good and important in them for this person.
When the awareness of something that does not suit the relationship is strong, there are many feelings, they are lived and understood, but what is good and important in these relationships is little understood. But if you stay in a relationship, then something important for you in them for sure. there is.
What is important in your relationship? What important needs do you meet for them? Why do you need them, despite the fact that there is a share of suffering in them, it is not understood, not realized.
And precisely due to the weak awareness of these feelings, understanding of them, these feelings are suppressed, not experienced, and as a result they begin to take over the person, just when he decisively leaves. After all, everything that we do not realize, we do not control it, but vice versa.
In this situation, it would be good to train my awareness on the topic of what I still get in this relationship.
Thinking about this question, at first they will roll over the usual feelings and thoughts that you already know well. Thoughts and feelings related to things that don't suit you in a relationship. You have rolled this neural path perfectly and the brain will choose the usual path.
Try to get off this path just to observe it, not get too involved and still focus your attention on what you still get in the relationship that is important.
Surprisingly, you can come up with some simple, obvious things that you did not even attach importance to. And precisely due to the fact that you were not aware of them and devalued them, they then gain the upper hand over you when you want to put an end to it.
Perhaps you will notice that in a relationship that does not suit you, the fear of loneliness is closed, perhaps it will be a need for financial stability or emotion.
real. You may notice that it is difficult for you to say goodbye to the past, because this person meant a lot to you before and there is still hope that something will change for the better.
You may find that covering those needs is more important to you now than breaking up. Failure to satisfy them will be much more stressful for you than what you are not happy with in the relationship.
This means that for your psyche there are still such relationships that do not suit you, where there is suffering, no matter how sad it sounds so far, it is better than being without them.
This is not very pleasant to admit. Because we all want the best for ourselves. And we don't want to stay where we are not completely happy.
The value of such awareness is that it can significantly level the emotional background, you will become calmer and more understandable, all the reasons, both good and bad, will be in plain sight.
And in the future, parting, if it is more likely to be more calm and conscious.
Psychologist Elena Dyachenko.
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