Death In The Palm Of Your Hand. And What Does The Resource Have To Do With It?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

"Zuleikha opens her eyes." The most powerful book with which I rediscovered fiction for myself, because 7 years as I read only professional.

I was struck by one episode, rather insignificant in the context of the entire plot, but so vivid and metaphorical that it sunk into my soul for a long time.

The beginning of the 30s. Tatar village. The peak of dispossession of the peasant population. The spouse of the main character, tired, embittered by illegal extortions, or easier to say "raids" of representatives of the new Soviet government, not wanting to obey, and always afraid - makes his wife soak a piece of sugar with poison and takes her word that if the "red" ones come, she will poison a horse and a cow, so as not to give anything to hated enemies. In general, the heroine did not have time to fulfill the promise, but a piece of poisoned sugar, which she forgot about in connection with the quickly unfolding terrible events, remained in the pocket of her dress.

Further, the author tells about the inhuman suffering of the main character. The familiar world has collapsed, there are no relatives left, there is a frightening unknown ahead, and reality is so intolerable that she thinks about death. About death as deliverance. The best thing that could happen to her, given reality.

And so, in the midst of all this horror, completely unexpectedly, in the far corners of the hem of her dress, she finds a lump of sugar soaked in poison.

And, unexpectedly, this death that you can hold in your hands becomes a powerful resource for the heroine's survival.

In the most terrible moments of testing, when it seems that she has no strength anymore, she gropes for this piece in her pocket … And each time she decides to wait again. Try to live another day.

Lying in your pocket, such a sweet and accessible death, has become a very valuable, expensive and significant item. With the ability to control her death, the heroine gained control over her life.

Quite often, in life and practice, one has to deal with the fact that only having reached the bottom of life and emotion, a person finds the strength, pushing himself from it to surface. Because there is nothing more to be afraid of. Because it won't get any worse, and the person understands: "I can always return to what is, now it's time to take a chance. Take a chance to live. Because there is nothing more to lose."

When a person suddenly ceases to be afraid of losing something valuable to himself, he ceases to be dependent on it. He gains freedom. Freedom of choice.

The fear of losing a relationship keeps a woman in a dependent relationship for a long time. Allowing to endure humiliation, betrayal. The fear of rejection does not allow one to defend oneself, one's borders, or set adequate conditions for a common life and budget. The fear of loneliness turns out to be stronger than the freedom to choose not to remain in a destructive relationship. Submitting your whole life to control over your partner, predicting his mood. While losing control over his own.

Fear of losing your job makes you endure the tyrant of your boss and unacceptable working conditions. Forget about the weekend. Endure the envious gossip of colleagues behind your back.

Fear of mistakes, negative assessments of others, makes it impossible to show initiative, to declare oneself. Do something that I dreamed of since childhood.

By allowing ourselves the possibility of divorce, dismissal, mistakes, we thereby free ourselves from constant fear. We look him straight in the eyes, detailing and living him. Yes, it can happen. By recognizing this, we cease to be hostage to our own limitations.

When we get tired of being afraid, we put our little lump of poisoned sugar in our palm, and we gain the freedom to use it when we decide to do it ourselves.