TEEN GIRLS - A BEAUTY LONGER. HELP FOR Ugly Ducklings

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

The onset of adolescence brings many changes to the life of yesterday's child, and the life of his parents is changing: new anxieties, new responsibilities, new parenting strategies.

In adolescence, the importance of appearance increases in the structure of values, the idea of her own appearance is structured, her self-esteem is formed, which later acquires a fairly stable character. Awareness of your physical appearance, its aesthetic effect is one of the important conditions that are actively involved in the formation of the personality of a teenager, and one of the regulating factors of his behavior. Assessment of your appearance entails a change in well-being and can determine the nature of relationships between people.

Awareness of the peculiarities of their appearance also affects the formation of many important personality traits in a teenager - self-confidence, cheerfulness, sociability, isolation, pessimism, irritability, etc. The question of their own appearance is especially acute for girls.

The attitude to their own external data in girls, in comparison with their peer-aged boys, is more affectively colored and takes up much more space in their thoughts and experiences. So, a teenage girl who considers herself outwardly unattractive, negatively assesses other aspects of her I, while a boy clearly distinguishes between these aspects: he can negatively assess his appearance and at the same time highly value his social or intellectual qualities.

It is not easy for modern teenage girls to accept their external data, when beauties polished by all kinds of means look from all the covers of fashion magazines, and the messages "ideal", "chic", "perfection" penetrate from each commercial. It's hard not to be critical of yourself when girls brought up by beauty bloggers on YouTube are busy discussing each other's appearance, show business stars, and indeed everyone who comes into their field of vision.

The teenage suffering of a girl about her appearance should not be left without parental attention, on the contrary, wishing her daughter's well-being, parents should not remain indifferent and behave carelessly about this issue.

What should alert parents in the behavior of a teenage girl?

• The girl avoids looking in the mirror.
• The girl, under various pretexts, refuses to be photographed or hides behind other people when photographing.
• The girl often looks in the mirror with a displeased or upset look; looks for a certain angle from which the alleged flaw is not visible; spends a lot of time in front of the mirror to the detriment of her studies and other activities that were previously important to her.
• The girl in conversation now and then touches her disturbing "lack" of appearance, often touches the disturbing part of the body with her hands, tries to cover it or hide it in various ways - up to the awkward ones.
• The girl spends a lot of time in search of information concerning her “shortcoming” that worries her, compulsively searches for similar defects of appearance in public people, and so on.
• The girl begins to wear things of an obscure cut to hide her flaws.

Excessive preoccupation with appearance is associated with lethargy, unwillingness to communicate with peers, loss of appetite, sleep disturbance, and other signs of depression.

If several of the above symptoms are common in your teenage daughter, the best thing you can do for her is see a specialist.

Nevertheless, most of the adolescent complexes can be overcome without the help of specialists. However, it was desirable to start preventing the problem of dissatisfaction with external parameters already yesterday, that is, long before adolescence. It is very important that by the beginning of puberty and the changes in appearance associated with it, the girl has already approached herself confident in herself, so that she does not doubt that her parents accept her for who she is. Loving, caring parental eyes looking at a girl are a big part of a girl's psychological well-being.

Sometimes parents, without noticing it, stimulate girls to pay more attention to their appearance. It happens if the parents discuss and compare the appearance of someone else, if the parents from an early age tell her daughter that she has the wrong face shape, too sparse hair, bad teeth, or, conversely, that she is an extraordinary beauty, what few. All this makes the girl look more attentively in the mirror with the onset of adolescence, looking for confirmation of the parental words in the reactions of others.

How to help a complex teenage girl?

Even if time is a little lost and your daughter is already fixated on imaginary or true flaws in her appearance, this is not a reason to give up. The ugliness complex should not be allowed to take root in her mind.

What can a mother do?

Lead a healthy lifestyle with your daughter

Going in for sports - physical activity, in addition to increasing the tone of the body and positively affecting the mood, also allows you to better feel your body, explore its capabilities, and therefore create the prerequisites for love for it. In addition, joint activities will help you bond even more, provided that they are both enjoyable. You can offer the girl to take up dancing, this will develop her plasticity and give more self-confidence.

“I was a complete teenager with complexes. Mom "took" for both of us. We went to the same fitness center together, but different groups. Over time, we took on a much better shape together. I am very grateful to my mother that she did not ignore this question. " Valeria, 25 years old

Be an example for your daughter

The mother herself should try to look good, but at the same time not make it an end in itself. Be a model of self-irony and a sober attitude towards appearance. Sincerely tell her daughter about the complexes and anxieties that she had when she was the age of a daughter, tell her daughter about unrequited love and other experiences and defeats, so that the girl understands: this is not the end of the world.

However, I would like to address separately the mothers, “beauty queens,” and draw their attention to the fact that the constant cultivation of their external data in front of their daughter will lead to the fact that your girl will develop complexes that she may never be able to overcome. So the status of "beauty queen" can flatter your pride, but not at the expense of your daughter.

“Mom has always been great. It's true, she always looked gorgeous. And I stood nearby, ready, like a dog on command, to fasten a button, a chain fastener, hand in a handbag and follow the train of her perfume to the very door, at which she smiled condescendingly at her daughter, a pale toadstool. Victoria is 34 years old.

“I have never seen my mother in normal clothes. She wore a uniform all her life. At the weekend I was in home clothes. Now I can’t dress normally, I don’t know how to hide my flaws with clothes. Unbearable torture every morning. I take all the clothes out of the closet, changing clothes three or four times. Tatiana, 26 years old.

Do not moralize and try to be closer to your daughter

The mother must remember that in adolescence, the mask is a mirror of the soul, the appearance does not deceive. You cannot judge a book by its cover - these are pious axioms of another moral tradition, an unreasonable appeal to which not only will not bring the desired result, but will also alienate the daughter from her mother. Most likely, the girl will conclude that her mother does not understand her. Therefore, before trying to reform the values of adolescent girls, it is necessary to recognize them. You should not discount your daughter's worries or, worse, make fun of them. A teenager living in the world of appearances believes in the absoluteness of external signs and is guided by the norms and values that are significant to his peers. The authority of adults during this period of life falls sharply and this should not be forgotten. Instead of categorically ridiculing the absurdity of the girl's complexes regarding her appearance, you should carefully and with great respect treat the experiences of your child. In addition, there is no use in denying the obvious facts, if in fact there is a certain flaw in the girl's appearance, instead of feigning denial of this, it is better to try to concentrate the child on the merits existing in his appearance and a joint search for how to deal with a not entirely satisfying external parameter.

Only after the mother shows respect for her daughter's anxiety about some lack of appearance can the ideas of what is more important "to be than to appear" begin to unobtrusively begin.

“Once I was going to a friend's birthday party. I have always disliked my face, especially my nose. I really wanted to look good that day. But nothing worked. I burst into tears. Mom saw this and asked what was the matter. I said I was ugly. She started shouting at me, saying that I was inventing everything, that I had nothing else to do. From this I was even more upset and barely alive went to my friend. All evening I waited for its completion. And when she returned home, my mother asked: "Well, how are you, my stupid beauty?" I got terribly angry and said something rude to her. Then she started scolding me again. " Vera, 30 years old.

- Help your daughter find her style

The best time a mother and teenage daughter can spend together is shopping. On the other hand, these hikes can turn into a real nightmare for both. Mothers should be aware of the extent of their responsibility in this important matter. It requires respect for the girl's emerging taste and unobtrusive tips from an older person. For a fledgling girl, mother's advice is very important when choosing clothes that emphasize the dignity of the figure and hide its flaws. So that the joint choice of clothes does not turn into hellish torture, the mother must delve into the trends of youth fashion and respect her daughter's need to meet them. If the situation is completely deadlocked, it is worth contacting a stylist who will help connect the wishes of the mother and daughter. For many girls, communicating with a good stylist can be very important in overcoming their complexes and anxieties. Another important task is finding a hairdresser with whom the girl will have a trusting relationship. If necessary, the daughter should be taken to a beautician.

“The best thing my mother did was leave me alone and invited a stylist who helped me create five sets of clothes. This was enough for me to wake up quietly every morning, have breakfast, put on clothes and go to school with calm nerves. This is the best thing that could have been. Diana, 19 years old.

To debunk myths about beauty and "promoted" ideals

This is also worth the work. But it's worth it. A mother can show her daughter a pre-selected selection of photographs of recognized beauties without Photoshop, so that she understands that beauty in the modern world is a relative thing. Tell your daughter and illustrate with specific examples from life the truth, which is that charm is more important than beauty. A charming person is one who is not constrained by the ideas of conformity to some kind of standards.

What can a father do?

Spend as much time with your daughter as possible

The father is the most important figure in the life of any girl, the first man, attitude, behavior, whose words can inspire confidence or destroy her in the bud. When the father spends as much time as possible with the girl, she is imbued with the understanding that she is not indifferent, but, on the contrary, is interesting to him. Spending time with your father contributes to the formation of new impressions about yourself and life in general, develops and stimulates new interests and hobbies, distracts from heavy girlish thoughts.

Take an interest in your daughter's life

A genuinely motivated father can make an invaluable contribution to developing a positive self-image in a teenage girl. A father who asks questions about academic success and difficulties, the quality of relationships with teachers and peers, is very supportive.

To love and respect the mother of your daughter

It is impermissible for a child to humiliate his mother, criticize her appearance and devalue femininity.

“My father told my mother that she was a fat pig. I just became a figure in the paternal family and do not have problems with weight. But these words were etched into my memory. It's a shame very much for my mother. But somehow this also applies to me. When he said this, I also felt somehow disgusting. And sometimes now I get that feeling. Alla, 32 years old.

“When my father left, he said that his mother was no longer a woman for him. That she doesn’t know how to take care of herself and raised the same pigs as herself. Now my money allows me to buy expensive clothes, visit expensive beauty salons. And I drank my mom out. But this pain and resentment from the words of my father is forever in me. Olga, 36 years old.

Tell your daughter about love, her attractiveness and treat her like a girl

A father should not forget that his daughter needs kind words from him. You should not skimp on declarations of love, compliments and support for your daughter. It is important that the father does not forget that he is raising a girl, and this requires special tact from him in dealing with her. A girl should be treated like a girl, always at any age remembering how painful a father's criticism of her external data or delight from the beauty of other children of the same sex can hurt.

“Dad was much more delicate than everyone else. When I was upset about my appearance, my mother and grandmother tormented me. Mom criticized and scoffed, said that I "got it", and grandmother, on the contrary, tried to console with all kinds of childish ways, even spoke in a voice that is usually used to communicate with children. But dad silently watched all this, and after I went to my room, I fell exhausted on the bed and burst into tears, came in, stroked the head and asked: “What is wrong with you, what do you not like? Do you want us to buy you something new from clothes? " As if the cats, tearing my soul apart, disappeared somewhere from these words. I calmed down. " Nina, 32 years old.

“It would seem that Dmitry is not my own father, but he was closer and clearer than everyone else. Always, when I shouted: "I am ugly, ugly," I would come up and wipe my tears, affectionately calling me "snub-nosed". And over time, thanks to him, I even became proud of my snub nose! " Larisa 30 years old

In general, all recommendations for parents can be summarized as follows:

- sincerely strive to understand the daughter's pain, anxiety, despair, which appear in response to the rejection of some external parameter;

- not to fall into "senile" grumbling about spiritual beauty, remembering that they are greeted "by their clothes", and this is extremely important for a teenager;

- to spend time with the child with benefit and pleasure;

- do not spare money, time, effort, nerves on the child;

- to keep up with the times;

- to be happy, loving, loved and beautiful externally and internally.