How To Organize Your Chronic Grief. Bad Advice

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Have you ever met people who for years, or even decades grieved for a deceased loved one, suffered from long-term resentment, yearned for a departed love? Perhaps you admired their endurance, and would like to master the inescapable sadness as an art and a feat?

This harmful advice article is based entirely on personal experience (except for the very last point) and will help you in the most effective way to organize your chronic grief, or, as they say, complicated grief. The only condition is that for a full-fledged result, your loss must be real. The rest is a matter of art and technology.

1. So, to begin with, remember that you, with your grief, are not needed by anyone. Neither close, nor, moreover, distant. Only weaklings complain and cry to someone. Seeing your tears, loved ones will feel disgust for you and turn away from you. Do not cry about your loss to anyone, ever. Well, okay, at the first stage you can still cry. But only alone, only alone with yourself. After all, none of the distant, and even more so close, is not able to withstand you in such a state. Learn to be ashamed of your tears, let them be your shameful secret. Over time, you will notice that you, too, are not interested in sharing the joy. You are more and more alone and revel in your self-sufficiency.

Result: lingering grief plus alienation from others.

Let's move on to the next step.

2. It is important at this stage to stop crying. Can this be achieved while maintaining a sense of inescapable grief? As much as possible, for this it is enough to carry the grief in oneself, but not to listen to it and in no case to live. You ask, but what about when on long winter (autumn, summer) evenings, when everything calms down, it starts talking to you? Oh, do you have free evenings? Then the right tool, especially for you - load yourself with work, maybe three, study, gym … Or, for example, communication, although at this stage it is no longer a joy for you - ceasing to hear yourself, reluctance to listen to others. Adopt the now fashionable philosophy of living in the present, but do not plunge into grief here and now - just think, it hurts! Just live with grief, as you do with a disability or diabetes, and maintain continuous employment. From time to time, life will still force you to pause, and then you will notice, or rather feel, that even after many years your grief is still there!

The result is chronic grief, alienation from others, plus alienation from oneself.

3. The next stage is for those who have played enough and desperate, for those who do not want to part with grief, but want to live in such a way that, in principle, they do not feel it. Let us toughen and aggravate everything that has been passed before: alienation from others, alienation from oneself, constant employment, plus repression. Like this? And like this - in fact, it is impossible to get rid of grief, but you can give up it, like giving up unnecessary things. Just pretend it's someone else's grief. The world is changing and acquires a clear polarity - you are strong, always calm and joyful, only around you for some reason there are full of sad and depressed people floundering in melancholy and helplessness. From here, many prospects open up before you - you can stigmatize these weak people, or you can actively save, or teach them the methods of not living grief learned above.

4. You will say - well, it’s so unfair, it’s worthless to displace your grief on your innocent neighbors! How do you want? And not to live and displace? Well, it’s possible! Aerobatics in this matter will be a complete collapse of health, against the background of your exceptional calmness, only calmness. In this case, grief will reside in your body. There are many different ways, for example oncology …

And remember, just in case - no psychotherapists. They are addictive, and psychotherapy in general is for weaklings.